


Dreaming or Dead

by malloryalexx



Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Album), My Chemical Romance, The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Comic)
Genre: Descriptions of sex, Dysphoria, M/M, Night Terrors, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-05-17 03:29:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5852317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malloryalexx/pseuds/malloryalexx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank Iero (now known as Fun Ghoul) has had one hell of a life. His past still haunts him to this day, but he's getting by thanks to the help from his friends. Despite the difficulties that life throws at him, Ghoul's relearning to trust people to the point of letting them get closer than he's let anyone in the past two years. The only question is - is it all a dream, or is he dead?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

Everything gets destroyed. Everything dies. There's no way around it - that's just how the world works. That's how this world works, anyway. Everything and everyone that you love gets ripped away from you and you're left to deal with the aftermath. Nobody chooses to live like how we do, but when the only other option for you is to become a slave to the ones that killed your loved ones, you'd rather be out in the zones.

The ones that I loved died in The Helium Wars. It's not something I like to talk about, it's not something anyone with dusted loved ones wants to talk about, so any information on The Helium Wars are kept private. It's not against the law to discuss what happened to cause a separation in the lifestyles that we have today, but I wish it were. Every time that someone brings up The Helium Wars my skin starts to crawl. It's a difficult time to remember, but I'm getting through it.

I still miss them. It's hard to forget your wife and your children. As far as I know, my wife and son are still alive. I never saw them die, but I haven't heard from them in over two years. Most people would have given up by now, but I can't do that. I haven't been searching for them, but I know that if they're out there, they'll find me when the timing is right. My daughters, Cherry and Lily, are the ones that I still have nightmares about. They're the ones that I'm desperately trying to erase from my memory; not because I don't love them, but because I can't handle replaying their deaths in my mind over and over again.

They were clinging onto my jacket, my arms wrapped around them as I tried to keep them close to me. I was their father. I was supposed to protect them, but I couldn't. A Drac had already taken my wife and son out of the door, dragging them out onto the street and away from my line of sight. I had tried to keep the two of them safe as well and it didn't work. The only thing that kept me remotely sane about my wife leaving was that she was with our son - she could protect Miles. Another Drac stood in front of me and my girls for a few seconds before tearing Lily away from me. She was in his arms, her screams unforgettable as she cried out for me to help her. I begged for the Drac to stop, telling them that she's just a child, that she doesn't even know what she's done wrong. They didn't listen. They never listen. They can't comprehend anything that is said unless it's from a member of the S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W. My daughter's arms were stretched out towards me, her hands grabbing the air in attempt that she might latch onto me. I should have stood up and grabbed her, but I didn't. Lily's high-pitched screams stopped as the Drac shot her in the head. I could feel my stomach drop. I held Cherry close. I held her tighter than I ever had. She was screaming into my chest, begging me to do something. I can still remember how her fingertips pressed into my skin, trying to disappear from the entire situation. I should have fought back. I should have thrown anything replaceable in front of that laser gun instead of letting it shoot Cherry. I shouldn't have been staring at the blood on the floor, at the lifeless bodies of my girls, when I could have been fighting back. I shouldn't have let the Drac's drag me out of my house and into Better Living Industries headquarters. I should have fought back. I should have revolted. I should have defended myself like the killjoy I was. 

That was what got my family into that mess in the first place. We were going to run away to the zones. We were going to start a new life. I wish that I had been stronger. I wish that I had the courage to do something other than let my daughters get shot. I wish that I could have done something to help them. I wish that my wife and I hadn't been planning to run away with our kids. I wish that the Drac had shot me instead.

Living without my family was worse than being dead. Better Living Industries kept me in a cell, confined and away from all civilization. I didn't see sunlight for months. All I knew was a white room with no furniture. The walls were padded, but the floor was tile. It was always cold in the room. Luckily I was given a set of warm clothing - a white long sleeved shirt and white hospital-looking pants. I slept on the floor like an animal. I was treated like an animal. I thought for the longest time that they were going to turn me into a Drac. I thought that they were going to make me be the exact thing that killed my girls. Some days I thought that I was going to go crazy in there. Some days I believed that I already was crazy. The only people I saw were S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W staff, but any time that they came around was never good news for me - unless it was for meals, but even then the food wasn't all that great. I was terrified. I couldn't do anything, and any time I tried to revolt, they shot me full of Ritalin. They wanted to keep me calm. They wanted to keep me sedated. I was about to give up all hope whenever I was rescued. It was accidental, my rescue was, but I'm grateful for it either way.

I heard the door to my cell unlock and I didn't even bother to look up. It had to be one of the S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W members, or someone from BL/IND. Nobody had came to check on me for a couple of hours so I had guessed that it was time for a meal, or another pill or injection. I had expected my arm to be grabbed and a needle injected, or my face to be shoved upward and a pill pushed into my mouth, except that didn't happen. The staff never spoke to me unless it was to wake me up, so when I heard a voice say something, I knew that whatever was going on wasn't normal.

"You a rebel?" They asked in a frantic voice.

I looked up and immediately saw bright red hair. It was the most striking feature of the person's appearance, almost as if it was their trademark. It was the only thing kept neat about them, their hair was. It was easy to tell that they took pride in the color. There was a ray gun strapped to their right thigh, and I was afraid that if I said yes to being a rebel, to being a killjoy, that they would shoot me just like how the Dracs shot my girls. It ran through my mind that it could have been a test. Maybe this was all a setup and if I said yes I would have to go through more treatments. This person didn't look like they were part of BL/IND, though. There wasn't enough special effects in Battery City to create the look of dread and hardship on their face. Their hands were caked with dirt, their clothes weathered and torn. They were a real killjoy. They had to be.

I nodded.

They stepped towards me, holding out a hand to help me stand. I was hesitant, but took the offer, using their weight to help ground me as my legs shook. I didn't know if I was shaking from malnutrition or anxiety, but I have to believe that it was a mixture of both. I took a small step towards the door, my shoulders shaking from the fear of potentially being caught. I hadn't stepped foot out of this room since I had arrived. I didn't want to be tortured by the S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W's if I walked out of it. They normally shot anyone that tried to escape, but they wouldn't do it with me because that's what I wanted. I wanted to be shot.

A hand wrapped around my right shoulder, and I turned to look at the red-head behind me. They gave me a sympathetic look, something that told me that they were scared too, and then they spoke again. "I'm Party Poison." they said, squeezing my shoulder slightly. "I came here to get my brother, but you're coming with us."

They happened to push me out of the cell rather than me plainly walking out, but either way it was exhilarating for me to just step out into the hallway. It was the most I had rebelled in months. The cameras that lined the walls twitched to follow us as we ran down the hallway. I kept expecting Drac's to appear and come after us, but it didn't happen. I always thought that the security would have been higher, especially since every room had 24/7 surveillance, but we managed to find Party Poison's brother after five minutes of searching cells without a single employee confronting us. 

Their brother had more strength than I did, more composure than I had in months, but he did look more scared to be there than I ever did. His clothes were about two sizes too big for him, unlike mine which were skin-tight. That was what confused me most. When you arrived you were asked what size clothing you needed, so I knew that he asked for his apparel to be too baggy. He kept his shoulders hunched the entire time we were making our way out of the unit, refusing to stand up straight despite how much healthier he looked than I did. Party Poison had their arm wrapped around their brother's shoulders, guiding him quickly through the building. They kept glancing back towards me, making sure I was keeping up and that they wouldn't have to drag me out by the collar of my shirt.

The three of us made it out with only a couple of confrontations. Party Poison told us not to worry, that they knew how to get us out into the zones without getting caught. They told any employee that tried to get a hold of us that he was an undercover S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W trying to transport two prisoners into another unit. Nobody ever asked to see their identification. Nobody asked for any proof that supported they were who they said they were. I never really understood why the staff believed them, but the three of us managed to get out onto the streets of Battery City.

I remember running faster than I had ever ran before. We sprinted through back-alleys, trying to avoid getting sighted by Drac's. My heart was beating straight out of my chest and I didn't think that I would be able to continue. We made it, though. We made it into zone 1. My legs were burning, my breath uneven and my throat dry as I stood on the broken asphalt mixed with the valley sand. Party Poison pulled a small can of water out of their jacket, handing it to me without hesitation. I was confused on why they didn't give it to their brother, since they had just met me, but when I looked at the guy I understood. He wasn't breathing hard, hunched over, or tired. He was in way better shape than I was, which made sense, since him as well as his sibling were built like killjoys. They both were killjoys.

I've been out in the zones with Party Poison and their brother for nearly two years now. We've picked up a couple of other stragglers on our journey through the zones, and if you took a look at all of us, you wouldn't believe that we weren't friends since we were kids.

Party Poison - or just Poison - is the leader of our gang, despite the fact that we all share equal responsibility. They're the pretty one, the one that all the young killjoys want to date. They joke around with all of us, but can easily be stern when they want us to listen to what they're saying. They're really easy going, very accepting, and I can't believe they put up with half of our gang's shit. The only thing about them that took me a while to get used to was their gender identity. It's not like I had a problem with them being agender, it was just a culture shock. Being locked up in Battery City for my entire life, where everyone was cisgendered or punished otherwise, I didn't exactly understand that there were more than two genders until I met Poison.

Kobra Kid - Poison's younger brother - had become one of my best friends. I had always known that he was different since the moment I had met him, that he was someone special. We had always clicked and I didn't understand why. It was more of a situation where he had came to me, that he was always beside me and choosing to talk to me. It took me three months of traveling with the sibling duo to gain full trust of Kobra. He told me that he's transgender, something that a lot of killjoys actually happen to be. It was why he was locked up in the BL/IND unit at the same time I was there. They thought that they could fix him, that he was fixable, but that's not how it works. With Kobra, I've learned that you have to be sensitive with him at times, but don't underestimate his ability. He's definitely not a girl. He's mentally stronger than half of the gang. Plus he knows karate.

Jet Star is a guy that we picked up zone running. I never expected him to stay for long, but he's stuck with us through thick and thin. He's the jokester of the group. It took me a while to get used to his sarcastic remarks, but I eventually got to the point where I can tell if he's kidding or not. Some days he's still able to pull the wool over my eyes, but I'm always grateful for anything that'll make me laugh. Jet's a hard worker, too. He's willing to stay up for more than half the night to keep watch while we sleep - a job that nobody wants but he always volunteers for. He is a lot like the parent of our group. He always makes sure that we take the safest route, or that everyone is comfortable for the trip - especially Kobra. Although I'm the youngest out of us all, there's no doubt that every one gives Kobra special treatment.

Cherri Cola, Dr. Death Defying, and Show Pony are all people that we never expected to meet. We first met Pony at the diner when we were a few carbons short on our meal and xe offered to pay what we couldn't. We all kept saying that we would pay xem back, but that was nearly a year ago and we still haven't. Pony's a special person, and even though communication with xem is limited, there's always something that xe has in common with you. Cola and Dr. D, however, their names go together. They're both radio hosts, Cola being fairly knew to the gig. They give information to other killjoys about the zones and updates on who's gotten dusted. We didn't exactly know about the two of them until we were mentioned on both of their shows. They called us The Fabulous Four - Poison, Kobra, Jet, and I. It was rumored that Poison had broken both me and Kobra out of BL/IND facilities, and our next plans were to take out BL/IND completely. I can't help but hope that it actually happens. I keep hoping that the four of us actually do override Better Living Industries and take them down in flames.

I'm healing from it all, though. I'm healing from my past and everything that's happened. I'm healing from seeing my own daughters murdered in front of my eyes. I even had enough strength to let my daughter's souls be passed on to the Spirit Witch. It broke my heart to let go of the only memories I had of them, but I had to do it if I wanted them to pass on safely. It was a card, a small drawing that they had given me for Father's Day, but it was all that I had to remember them. It was all that I had left of them. I still can't do it with my wife and son, however. A part of me believes they're still alive, even if the chances are slim. Poison keeps telling me that I should at least put their names on the mailbox, just in case they really are dusted, but I can't do it. Kobra agrees with me, though. He says that I shouldn't believe that they're dead until I have proof. They could still be alive. Jet sides with Kobra on the topic of my family, although a part of me thinks that Jet wishes for me to move on. Some days the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that my wife and son could be alive. Some days it feels like they're the only hope I have left.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up in the back of our car, my head resting on Jet Star's lap. I would have continued to lay there if it had been the middle of the night, or if everyone else was still asleep as well, but I knew that I was the last to be awake. Luckily, Jet was nice enough not to shake my shoulder in an attempt to wake me. He knew how much I needed the sleep, and with how long it had been since I last got a couple of good hours of rest, I was surprised that I had even slept for as long as I did. I sat up reluctantly, the blood that rushed to my head causing me to be dizzy for a few moments.

I saw Poison's eyes flicker up to the rear view mirror to look at me, and when they saw that I was awake, they had reached for the keys to start the car. "I didn't think that you were going to wake up this morning."

I rolled my eyes. "You know you could have woken me up, right? Or at least started the journey to the diner while I was still asleep."

Kobra Kid turned around in the passenger seat to look at me, his eyes bright with anticipation to get back on the road. "But you're so cute when you're asleep."

I scrunched up my face and shook my head, knowing that he was just messing around with me. Poison stretched out their arm towards their brother, lightly hitting him on the shoulder instead of actually responding verbally.

"What was the for?" he asked, turning back around to sit correctly in his seat.

Poison raised their shoulders in a shrug and began to speed on the getaway mile. "Sometimes you need to be roughed up a little." they turned their head to give a smirk to their brother before concentrating back on the road. "What're you guys planning on getting at the diner today?"

"Another ration of Power Pup." Jet stated, and I couldn't have agreed more.

All of us wanted to splurge on coffee and fruit when we were at the diner, but what we all truly needed was to stock up on Power Pup. Normally we stopped by Tommy Chow Mein's shop and got some nonperishable foods, but Power Pup is easier to eat since it doesn't have to be cooked on an open flame. It had been nearly a week since I had last eaten a real meal - if you can even count the BL/IND distributed canned dog food a meal. Kobra was nice enough to half his cans with me, but that left both of us starving by the end of the day. Most of my last ration was given to some malnourished killjoys out in zone five. Poison had directed them towards the diner, but I knew it was going to be at least two days before they made it on foot, so I gave them what I could. Jet and Poison kept telling me that I shouldn't have given it up to them, especially since we weren't going to be getting another ration for a while, but Kobra defended my action. He said to think back to the time before we were the Fabulous Four, before anyone would give us things just by flashing a smile. He told the two of them to think of how they both were before they had met anyone. Jet had been alone, and at that time it was just Poison and Kobra making their way through the zones. Any of them would have been willing to do the extreme for food. Any of them would have been thankful if someone willingly gave up an armful of food. He said that they needed to move past my action, and try to take others into consideration more. That was probably the day that I gained a lot of respect for Kobra.

I rested my arm on the windowsill, my elbow leaning slightly outward so it steadily grew warm by the sun. The dust on the pavement was getting throw into the air by the speed of the car, and I had to squint to avoid it coming into my eyes. "I wish we didn't have to eat dog food." I murmured, not expecting anyone to pick up on what I had said.

"None of us do, little man," Jet responded, and I turned my head away from the window to look at him. "but we chose this life so we have to accept what comes with it."

"That's not true." Kobra shook his head, his hair tousled by the wind, but he didn't turn around. "I didn't choose this life, and if I did I wouldn't be eating dog food out of a can from people who hate me."

"Nobody hates you." Poison reassured him, giving him a glance from the corner of their eye.

He breathed a laugh. "That's definitely not true."

I leaned forward in my seat to get closer to Kobra, my face nearly touching his shoulder. "Okay, so, we don't hate you."

He turned around to look at me, and there was a glint of happiness in his eyes. I could tell that he believed what I said and that he was gracious for me saying it. "That's something I can believe." he flashed a smile before turning back around.

I leaned back into my seat, facing toward to stare blankly at the miles ahead of us. We all sat in silence for a couple of minutes, listening to the static of the radio. It always calmed me down, but right now it seemed eerie and unsettling. There was something about the white noise that didn't lift my spirits. There was something about sitting in a car with nothing playing on the radio that rubbed me the wrong way. The quietness gave me time to think, and when I thought, I almost always thought about the past. I was about to ask Poison to cut the static, but right when I opened my mouth to speak, a voice came through the speakers.

" _I hear that you Motorbabies have been deprived of tunes lately._ "

Kobra's hand shot toward the volume dial. "Haven't heard from Dr. D in forever," he whispered, his fingers moving to turn up the sound.

" _Cola and I haven't exactly been in the safest position to broadcast, but everything should be looking upwards now. First for today, a little bit of 411 on the infamous Fabulous Four. The gang was last sighted out on Route Guano heading east - the exact details on where they're heading are unknown, but keep your eyes peeled for that shiny red head._ " there was a pause, but then he continued to talk. " _Speaking of the Four, though, it looks like our first song on the airwaves today is one from their band, My Chemical Romance. We've heard that it's been a favorite out in the zones these past few weeks, so upthrust the volume, because we've got 'Destroya' coming through your speakers._ "

"How about we downthrust the volume." Poison said, reaching to turn the radio down so we could barely hear it. The sound of them saying 'check check' could still be faintly heard.

"What?" Kobra asked, leaning towards his older sibling. "Don't like the sound of your own voice?"

"Not after being called 'that shiny red head'."

Kobra let out a giggle before sitting back into his seat. Jet shook his head, "C'mon, Poison, we've all been called worse things than that."

"Yeah," I said, raising an eyebrow. "one time I got called 'the green bean of the zones'."

Their eyes flashed up to the rear view mirror to look at me. "That's your fault for wearing a green vest."

"Then it's your fault for having shiny red hair." I tilted my head to the side as I waited for a reply.

Poison nodded slowly, taking in what I had told them. "Alright, you've got a point." they took one hand off of the wheel and pointed to Kobra. "Remind me to get some dye from Chow Mein's while we're out here."

Their brother looked at them, confused, "Didn't you get a dye job like two months ago?"

"The sun fades the color." they responded with a shrug. Poison stretched their arm towards their brother, their hand grabbing a fistful of his hair. "Besides, your roots are growing in, so you could use a touch-up too."

Kobra swatted their hand away. "It's supposed to look messy."

"You're not supposed to look homeless, though." Poison added.

"We are homeless." Jet spoke up, crossing his arms over his chest. "Let your brother have his hair however he wants."

I looked over to him, not exactly sure if he meant for his words to come off as bitter as they did. "Are you actually upset?" A part of me regretting asking the question just milliseconds after it came off my tongue.

Jet Star met my gaze. The two of us stared at each other in silence for a few seconds, and I fully began to regret asking the question. It looked like he was about to jump me, but it didn't make any sense. He was perfectly fine a couple of minutes ago, and even if he was upset, why would he be upset over something so small like Kobra's hair?

A small smile spread across Jet's face, and I immediately knew that he wasn't serious. I extended my arm and pushed his shoulder, shaking my head as he continued to laugh. By that time the rest of the car was filled with laughter.

Kobra had turned around to face us, "Did you really think that he was mad?" There was a wide smile on his face.

"You can't tell with him!" I exclaimed, breathing out a laugh as a shook my head.

"Even I knew he was kidding, Ghoul." Kobra turned back around, his quiet laughter still able to be heard.

The car went silent a couple of seconds after that, none of us wanting to speak, or really not having anything to say. After a while, Kobra reached over and turned up the volume on the radio. I had always been a fan of The Mad Gear and Missile Kid, so when I heard "Black Dragon Fighting Society" coming through the speakers, I couldn't help but mouth the words. About halfway through the song I caught Kobra looking at me through the rear view mirror - he had an eyebrow quirked, but he said nothing. I slowly drifted off on mouthing the lyrics to the song, and when he noticed that I stopped because he was looking, a half-smile appeared on his face. I broke our eye contact to look out the window at the desert zooming past.

It was all the same. Every grain of sand out in the zones does nothing but get stuck under your fingernails. Some days you can't get the sand out of your hair no matter what you do. Most of the time your skin ends up irritated from all the sand in your clothes and all you want to do is take off every piece of material you have on, but you know that would just made everything worse because then your actual skin would be exposed to the god awful sand. The only good thing the zones naturally has to offer is cactus, and even that is pretty rare. I only remember having cactus twice in my entire life, and both times were a blessing. The first time I had it I was skeptical of the plant even being edible, but when you're out in the zones for a half a week without food, you'd do anything just to survive. The second time I had it consisted of Kobra teaching me how to cook it over a fire, and then having him laugh at me hysterically because I hadn't realized that cactus still had to cool down before taking a bite out of it. No matter what or who you hate and love about the zones, most people's response will always be the same. The sand is horrible, but the good thing is that we're not under BL/IND's control.

I couldn't remember how long I was staring out the window. I hadn't been paying attention to the songs playing on the radio, or even the small announcements that Dr. D had said. I snapped out of my daze when I saw Show Pony stop in front of the window, xyr body facing me as xe raised xyr arm to wave a welcome. I sat up straighter and took in a deep breath, realizing quickly that we had made it to the diner. Poison was the first one to open their door, their hair simply glowing as they stepped out into the sunlight. Kobra followed them in seconds, leaving Jet Star and me alone in the car. He turned his head to look at me but didn't say anything.

"What is it?" I asked, reaching for the door handle but not opening it yet.

Jet shook his head, his own hand reaching for his door handle and opening it so he could step out. The door shut behind him and I was left alone in the car, watching quietly as he followed Poison into the diner. Kobra was standing outside by the front door, his back leaning against the wall as he watched Show Pony through his sunglasses. Pony's hands were moving rapidly, xyr fingers making different shapes, and when xe was finished, Kobra reciprocated by signing different things back.

I opened the car door and stepped out into the sun, shutting it quickly and making my way over to the two people standing by the diner. Kobra turned his head to look at me, but quickly focused back on Pony to continue their conversation. Watching the two of them communicate had always fascinated me, especially since sign language had become a lost art over the years. The deaf community wasn't large out in the zones, but when we had met Show Pony, Kobra took it as his responsibility to learn the language so that xe could actually talk to someone.

I stood beside Kobra, only understanding a few words that Pony was signing, but it was easy to recognize that xe was catching up on all that had happened since the last time we saw xem. It took a couple of minutes, but Pony finally looked at me, xyr hands moving towards xyr chest and then out into the air to sign, "What's up?"

I looked to Kobra, but he didn't say anything to me, only nodding his head and encouraging me to respond to xem. I hadn't picked up much sign language, but Kobra had taught me a little when we were on the road. The last time I had seen Show Pony, though, I didn't know any. I moved one hand upward, pointing a finger into my chest and then moving it up to my chin before pointing it to Pony, signing, "I miss you".

Pony's head moved to look at Kobra, xyr face hidden by xyr helmet, but I could tell that xe was ecstatic. Xe looked back at me, xyr hands moving quickly as xe signed words that I couldn't understand. I looked to Kobra for help.

"Xe said that xe didn't know you learned sign language."

I nodded slightly before responding. "Tell xem that I don't know a lot, and that I'm still learning."

Kobra turned back to Pony, his hands moving. I knew that I should have picked up more sign language by then, but I was at least attempting to learn it now. I have to admit that I've always wished I was fluent in the language, even before I met Pony. Before The Helium Wars, my wife had told me that we would both learn it just so we could communicate in a way that not many other people understood. By slowly learning sign language, I feel as if I'm fulfilling a promise to my wife, as well as making a friend happier.

A short conversation went on between Kobra and Pony before Kobra turned back to me. "Pony has to get back to work, but if you're as starving as I am we should probably head in anyway."

His hand reached to open the door to the diner and I took a step closer towards the entrance, but paused to look at Show Pony. I raised my hand and moved my fingers, signing "bye" to xem. Xe reciprocated the sign and turned to go towards the gas pumps. I watched them for a couple of seconds before turning back around and disappearing inside of the building.

Inside, Jet and Poison were already sitting at our regular booth next to the door. There was a cup of coffee in front of them both, and although Jet was waiting for it to cool, Poison was sipping on the liquid despite the steam coming off of it. Kobra raised his sunglasses away from his face and set them on top of his head before sliding in next to his sibling, leaving me to sit next to Jet.

Nobody talked for the first few minutes. It seemed as if we did a lot of that; not talking. There was nothing wrong with it, really. Sometimes we all needed the peace and quiet. Even with the chaotic sounds of dishes clattering and other's conversations, it was still quiet in our little booth.

I looked up from my hands when a waitress appeared before us. "The usual?" she asked, looking at me, and then at Kobra.

I nodded. Coffee and fruit, that was what I wanted the most. "Can we get another ration of Power Pup, too?" I pointed to Kobra so the waitress knew that I was only talking about the two of us.

"You guys ran out already?" Her voice was soft, almost as if she was hesitant on asking the question, but her hand moved to jot down the request on her notepad.

"Ghoul had to give his ration to some zone rats to make sure they didn't starve to death." Kobra put his elbows on the table, lacing his hands together and resting his chin on top of them. His hazel eyes glistened as he looked up to the waitress. "I had to split my ration with him to make sure he didn't starve to death."

The waitress nodded as she looked away from Kobra and me, her eyes resting on Poison. "I'll have Show Pony bring out a few boxes for all four of you." Poison had begun to object, but she cut them off. "Don't worry about it, really. It's on the house."

"At least let us pay for half of it." They shook their head, not wanting to come into a situation where people just pay for what we want.

It's happened before - people giving us things. I had always been grateful for it, but Poison never took full appreciation. They knew that the four of us were famous out in the zones, but they didn't think that gave us an opportunity to not earn what we were going to use. Don't get me wrong, we always accept if the givers are persistent, but I do understand why Poison is uncomfortable with taking things. This life is about survival. You don't want to take things from people who could need it later on. 

The waitress looked at Poison for a couple of seconds before sighing. "You know what? I'm not going to make you pay for the rations, but if you want to include anything extra in a tip, I can't stop you from doing that."

Poison smiled graciously, and the woman began to walk away. I looked at Kobra, who was still sitting with his chin on top of his hands. "Were you flirting with her?" I asked him, my eyes flickering to the waitress whom had disappeared to the back, and then settled back onto him.

"Flirting?" he asked, his hands lowering from his face so that they were resting on the table. "Why would you think I was flirting?"

I shrugged slightly, my shoulders barely raising. "You looked at her like you were trying to impress her. Your entire expression was screaming 'Can I buy you a drink'."

Kobra's cheeks gained color, the light shade of his skin now becoming a pale pink. He brought his head down when he realized that he was blushing and managed to murmur. "I wasn't flirting with her."

"You're blushing, Kobra." The corners of my mouth had curled up into a curious smile. "C'mon, Kid. You know it's okay to think someone's cute, right?" I leaned closer to him, thinking that it might get him to respond.

Kobra tilted his head downward, his shoulders hunching in an attempt to become smaller than he was. His face deepened into a darker red, and although he tried his best to hide it, it was still apparent that he was embarrassed. Poison had caught onto that their brother was uncomfortable by the situation, and I could feel their eyes on me, begging me to stop. I knew Kobra's limits. I knew when he was getting upset, I knew where the line was drawn, and I knew not to cross it. This, however, wasn't anything to worry about. He was simply embarrassed. He didn't like that the conversation was being brought onto him, but he wasn't upset. We had been friends for a while, so it wasn't like I couldn't tell when he was on-edge. I felt more eyes looking at me, and I knew that Jet was waiting for me to add another comment as well. Both him and Poison were expecting me to push Kobra around, and I didn't understand why. I wanted him to be safe and comfortable just like anyone else in the gang. Why did they think I was about to say something malicious to set him off?

A half-smile crossed my lips and I breathed out a laugh. "Hey," I said, pushing Kobra's leg with my own underneath the table. "I'm just messing with you."

Kobra barely raised his head - just enough so I could see that the red tint in his face was still prominent. He pushed his foot against my extended leg, making me bring my leg back so it wasn't in his space.

Poison wrapped their arm around their brother's shoulders, shaking him playfully against the side of their chest. The movement made Kobra look up completely, putting his reddened face on display for us to see. His sunglasses slid down an inch, almost drawing near his forehead. It made me smile, seeing him get embarrassed like that, and when he noticed that I was looking at him, he raised his hands to cover his face.

"Aww, c'mon Kobra Kid." Poison said, pressing their mouth against their brother's ear before they began to speak again. "You know that we love you."

Kobra squirmed away from his sibling, trying to get out of their grasp. It was one of his pet peeves - talking directly into his ear - and it was something that we all took advantage of at one point or another. Poison removed their arm away from their brother when they noticed that the waitress was coming back to our table, a tray in her hand that held our meals.

Two cups of steaming coffee were set in front of Kobra and me, a plate of fresh fruit being sat in front of me and Jet, and the exact opposite of our plate - fresh veggies - being sat in front of Kobra and Poison.

"Pony's got your rations waiting by your car." The waitress said, directing the statement to Poison. She stood up straight and took a step away from the table. "You guys just holler if you need anything." We all nodded in unintentional unison. The action made her giggle, and I looked at Kobra to see if he would have a reaction to her, but he didn't show anything.

I grabbed my fork and immediately began to dig into what was before me. Even though I had been splitting Power Pup with Kobra, it felt has if I hadn't eaten in weeks. The pre-moistened kibble was nothing compared to the arrange of fruits that the diner served. When I swallowed half a strawberry, I recognized just how hungry I was. I wanted to eat the food slowly, to savor what I wouldn't have again for a while, but I couldn't slow myself down. None of us were eating slowly. If you took a look around the table, we were all shoveling forkful after forkful of food into our mouths. 

There was a time in my life when I would have told my own kids to slow down if they were eating like we were now. There was a time when I spent more time feeding children than actually feeding myself. I missed it. I missed watching my daughters throw grapes at my son. I missed having to tell them not to waste food. I missed my wife picking up the grapes on the floor, just to turn around and throw them at me. Being a dad had always been hard, it had always been a struggle, but it was even more difficult after those difficulties were stripped away from you.

I took a moment to sit back and look at the quarter of food left on my plate. I didn't want to finish it. I knew that if I didn't I would become hungry much sooner in the day, but I didn't feel right eating it now.

Jet looked at me, "You going to eat that?" he asked, eyeing the leftover food on my plate.

I shook my head and pushed the plate closer to him. "Have at it." I told him as I watched him begin to eat what I hadn't.

Poison stopped eating, looking at me with questioning eyes. I looked up at them and they spoke. "Are you alright?"

"Just remembered an old memory." they gave me an apologetic nod. "I'll be fine." I said, sitting back into the booth as I wrapped my hands around my coffee cup.

The ceramic was warm, but not too hot. I stared at the dark liquid, knowing that drinking it would make me feel better, but I couldn't gather up the strength to do so. I shouldn't have been thinking about my family right then, especially since it was so early in the day. The gang was going to have to deal with my mournful state for the rest of the day and I knew that the memories flooding into my mind were going to wear me out. I bit my lip, continuing to stare into the coffee when I felt a foot brush against my calf. My eyes flickered upward to Kobra and he smiled softly, one corner of his mouth raising. I reciprocated the gesture and the foot disappeared from my leg. Slowly, I raised the cup off coffee to my mouth.

I never understood how he knew what I needed in order to be cheered up. I guess the same could be said for me. For the most part, I knew what needed to be done to comfort him. We had only known one another for two and a half years, but when you're that close to someone for that long, you learn how to keep the other comfortable. We had always had a bond together, which is why our friendship is something that I value so highly. Even though I knew Poison for as long as I had known their brother, and even though I knew Jet for only a handful of months less than the two of them, I had always been closer to Kobra. We had a connection. It's not something I can explain - we just clicked.

Within the next few minutes, both Poison and Kobra had pushed their plates to the center of the table, and just seconds after they did so, Jet nudged my plate that he was finishing closer to me. We all knew that we would have to get back on the road, but none of us exactly wanted to leave. The diner was our safe place. We felt comfortable here. Of course, there were other places in the zones we loved to be, but the diner was where we felt comfortable. I, personally, liked it even better than staying with Dr. D and Cherri Cola.

Poison sighed and turned their head to look out the window. "You guys ready to head out again?"

Kobra shook his head. "I don't want to have to be crammed up in that car."

"You shouldn't be so tall then." Jet commented, "Maybe if your legs weren't so long you would actually like sitting in it."

I looked at Jet and shook my head, "No, having shorter legs doesn't do anything." Poison turned their head to look at me when I spoke. "I hate being stuck in that car, too."

Poison smiled at me and then raised their hand to put it on their brother's shoulder. "Sorry that you two don't like riding in the Trans-Am, but it's the only wheels we've got unless you want to walk." Kobra looked at his sibling with wide eyes and shook his head. "Then hop up and let's go to Chow Mein's."


	3. Chapter 3

When we walked into Tommy Chow Mein's shop, I quickly became very aware of the fact that the four of us were well-known in the zones. There were only two, maybe three, other killjoys in the place, but they all gawked at us as we walked past. I heard one of them whisper something about us, but I didn't catch exactly what they had said. Tommy looked up from his copy of "Shiny" when we walked past the front desk. He quirked an eyebrow, but said nothing to us. We seldom ever came into his shop, so I wouldn't be surprised if he was wondering why we came in.

Chow Mein's shop wasn't very big, but it has it's selection of items. It only had a small section for hair dye, but it was always stocked in the back, almost as if no one ever bought the dye even though more than half of all the killjoys in the zones had colorful hair. Poison had been able to pick up their signature color within seconds, the exact spot of Dr. Ruzzles's brand being familiar to their fingertips. Kobra, on the other hand, had difficulty deciding on which shade of blonde to go with, and made me help him figure out which one to to choose.

"Don't you have honey blonde right now?" I asked, grabbing the box of 'Be A Honey Bee Blonde' dye.

Kobra shook his head. "I think it's more along the lines of platinum."

I sat the box in my hands back down onto the shelf and instead grabbed a box labeled 'Colder Than Ice'. I raised the box up to Kobra's head, his medium blonde hair being contrasted with the white of the box. "You're definitely not platinum." I stated, bringing the box down and putting it back on the self.

He looked at me with unenthusiastic eyes. "Do you remember what color I got last time?"

"Kobra, that was months ago, of course I don't remember." My eyes were still scanning the colors of the boxes, trying to find one that matched my friend's hair.

He let out an exasperated sigh, but continued to search for the color he wanted. I was sitting in a squat, looking over the boxes on the bottom shelves. Kobra was standing, looking at the boxes on the top that I couldn't see. The two of us passed the next few minutes by showing the other a different box every few seconds. It resulted in him telling me no multiple times, and me telling him no, so we didn't exactly make any progress. I was about to stand and tell him that I had given up, but Poison had spoke before I could say anything.

"Are you two still looking for dye?" they asked from behind us, tucking their own box of hair dye under their arm.

I turned my head to look at them. "You brother doesn't remember what he used last time and won't use a different brand."

Poison raised a brow and looked at Kobra. "It's dye, Kid." they said with a smile, shaking their head a little, causing their hair to fall into their face. "Just hurry up and pick a box. Jet's trying to talk me into buying all of the scrap metal Tommy's got."

I wasn't surprised, honestly. Jet Star had a knack with creating things out of pieces of metal. He always picked up abandoned scraps when out in the zones, saving them until he can weld them into something new. He's been known to make jewelry in the past, as well as making tiny sculptures if there was a certain holiday - or someone's birthday - coming up. The first time he did it, no one in the gang understood why he was picking up pieces of metal from the desert. We especially didn't catch on when he started to shove them into the flames of the fire one night. It wasn't until he actually began to create a piece of art that we caught onto the skill he had. Jet's talented, I have to admit, and if we weren't so close, I would be jealous of what he can do with an abandoned hubcap and an open flame. 

Turning back around to the shelf, I picked up a box and stood, glancing over my shoulder to see that Poison had began to make their way to the front of the shop. I focused back on Kobra and held out the box of dye to him. "It's your color," I said when I noticed he was eyeing it skeptically. "I promise."

Kobra took the box from me, turning it over in his hands before looking back up. "I'm blaming you if it turns out wrong."

"Don't blame me - it's your sibling that wants you to touch up those roots." I was about to reach up and touch his hair like how Poison had did in the car earlier, but decided against it and kept my hand by my side.

"Yeah," he said, beginning to walk towards the checkout counter where the rest of the gang was. He turned around before he got out of earshot. "but you're more fun to mess with."

I rolled my eyes at his comment and began to follow him to the front of the shop. Poison already had their items - dye and two packs of cigarettes, one of which being for me - on the counter, whereas Jet was talking up Tommy, trying to get him to load his scrap metal on us.

"If you can't afford it, you're not getting any." I heard Tommy to him say as Kobra and I made our way to the check out. "Where do you four even get carbons, anyway? None of you have actually worked a day in your life."

I leaned my arm against the counter that separated us from Tommy. "You know that not all of us were born killjoys, right?"

Tommy cocked an eyebrow but said nothing regarding what I had told him. Instead, he wrote down what we were purchasing on a dirt-caked piece of paper, which would later be considered a receipt, even though Tommy kept them all to kept track of who came in and bought what. "Fifty-six carbons." his voice sounded agitated, like he was annoyed with us already.

I stood back up straight when he said the total. That couldn't be right. Even with the hair dye - which we normally didn't buy - cigarettes and three magazines were cheaper than that.

"Fifty-six?" Poison asked, leaning over the counter slightly to look over the items. "How the hell are only four things fifty-six carbons?"

Sighing, Tommy pointed to the boxes of hair dye. "Thirteen carbons each. Nothing changed there." he glanced back up at Poison, but then put his hand on the cartons of cigarettes. "Fifteen carbons each. Total equals out to-"

"Wait, you're trying to tell me that two boxes of cigarettes are thirty carbons?" Poison shook their head, "What happened, man? They were like eight carbons each last time we came in."

"Taxes are a bitch." Tommy shrugged, but looked at Poison with anticipation in his eyes. "Pay up or get out."

For a couple seconds, Poison looked over everything we had sat on the counter, almost as if they were deciding between hair dye and cigarettes. With a heavy sigh, they put their hand into their front pocket and pulled out a plastic baggie filled with beat up silver coins. The currency looked like it had been dragged through the zones for years; bumps and dents covering the surface.

They put the carbons - still in the bag - on the counter in front of Tommy. "It's all we've got right now," Poison said softly.

"How much?" Tommy asked, reaching for the bag to open it and pick up one of the grimy coins.

They hesitated, but plainly stated, "Forty-five carbons."

"You're eleven short, hot shot." He nudged the bag of coins closer to them, but they didn't take it back.

"Can't we give you an I.O.U or something?" Kobra spoke up, his voice beside me unexpected. "We'll pay what we couldn't today when we come in next time."

It was a logical solution, especially since we hadn't been short on carbons before. Tommy looked at Kobra and scoffed, shaking his head. "You just don't get it, do you, little girl?"

All of us stood in silence. The entire aura of the shop became heavy, and it seemed like a single movement would make the air crack like ice. The sentence that Tommy had said set me off. It ignited a spark inside of me that I didn't think could ever be lit. I didn't know that there was anything that could make me feel so much rage towards one individual. It had been years since I felt such a strong negative emotion towards a certain person. It was pure hatred. It couldn't have been mistaken as anything else. People had called Kobra Kid a girl in the past, he's told me about multiple occasions when it had happened, but that was before I joined the gang. I've never heard anyone actually misgender him out of pure spite.

I lunged towards Tommy, my hands hitting the counter in a crash. My chest knocked over the boxes of hair dye as I struggled to climb over the barrier that separated us. It felt as if ropes were restraining me from going any farther. Jet Star's arms were wrapped around my torso, pinning me to his chest. I wasn't expecting him to hold me back, so his actions made me breathless for a couple of seconds. I continued, however, thrashing forward and trying to get closer to Tommy. The man before me didn't move, only stared at me through amused eyes.

I halted on trying to get my hands on him. I stopped moving in a way that would amuse him, especially since I was being restrained. I leaned forward, my face halfway across the counter while the rest of my body was still being held back. My hands were pressed hard against the surface. "He is not a girl." I hissed out through clenched teeth, glaring at Tommy. "I don't care how much you don't like us - you don't fucking misgender him or his sibling." I paused, the pressure on my abdomen making it hard for me to breathe. "Do you understand?" Jet's arms seemed to loosen around me, as if he agreed with my statement, but he didn't fully let me go.

Tommy didn't acknowledge that I had said anything, and instead continued to stare at me. I could see that he was wanting to make a snide comment either directed towards me, or my friends. I began to realize why nobody ever talked to Tommy with interest. He was a sadistic man that was only in the buisness for the money.

I raised my voice into a yell, "Do you understand!?"

Still, these was no response, but I had decided that no matter what I said, Tommy wouldn't be answering - at least not in a way that would settle our argument. I leaned away from the counter, relaxing the tense state of my body, which caused Jet to let me go.

I reached a hand towards the counter and grabbed the bag of carbons as well as a pack of cigarettes. Turning towards the exit, I locked eyes with Poison. He seemed oddly calm for what had just happened. "Grab our stuff and let's go." My voice had a demanding tone. Normally, I wasn't the one to give orders. Really, none of us ever gave orders. We were a feel-flowing gang, but sometimes one of us got a sensation of control and we had to jump on it.

I pushed passed Poison and Jet, waiting to hear them grab the items I had left on the counter before I pressed against the door and stepped out onto the desert sand. When I exited Chow Mein's, I headed straight to the Trans-Am, tossing the bag of carbons down on the hood, and sitting down right next to them. Seconds after I had sat, the rest of the gang walked outside and towards the car. Poison was holding their pack of cigarettes in their hand, and Kobra Kid was gripping the two boxes of hair dye like it was his last sentimental thing on this planet. He looked a little shaken up, but I couldn't blame him. Something like that hadn't happened to him for years.

I saw Poison murmur something to Jet, which made him nod, but I wasn't curious enough to ask them what they had said. I heard the doors to the Trans-Am open up behind me, and then close quickly. Kobra and Jet had both climbed in, but Poison was standing on my right, watching me through their old knock-off Aviator sunglasses. They picked up the bag of carbons beside me and put it back in their front pocket before sitting next to me on the hood of the car. We were both staring straight ahead, not speaking to each other, but instead gazing mindlessly at the empty stretch of desert laid out before us.

My thumb rubbed against the packaging of the cigarettes in my hand and I bent my head down. The box wasn't much, and honestly, it had dents in the sides from people man-handling it. Camel brand cigarettes had become what most killjoys smoked out in the zones, since there weren't many people who actually made the real ones anymore. BL/IND had their own brand, of course, but it was laced with drugs that nobody wanted to set their hands on. So, Camels were what we were stuck with, even if I didn't like the flavor that much. I folded my hand over the box, putting it into a loose fist as I looked back up to the desert.

"Thanks," Poison said plainly, turning their head to look at me. "for sticking up for Kobra in there."

I paused, blinking as I thought of how to respond. "Don't thank me, anyone would have done it."

"But we didn't, Ghoul." I turned to look at them with questioning eyes. "Jet didn't say anything to Tommy, and neither did I. Kobra didn't even say anything, and he was the one that was hurt the most." Poison shook their head slightly. "We were taught not to correct anyone; that's how Kobra and I were raised. It wasn't even our parents that believed we were in the wrong - it was Battery City. Our government, our teachers, our neighbors, our friends... they all saw us as the things we no longer identified as." they paused, taking in a long breath before continuing. "We were told from a young age to not upset anyone over who we thought we were. We were told that we had to keep our mouth shut if we wanted to live. I was told that I had to be a boy, or I had to be a girl, but I couldn't be neither and I couldn't be both, but I also couldn't be anything other than the physical features I have on my body. Kobra's always been a boy, and he's always been told that he has to be feminine, and he has to follow the norm of gender roles." Poison stared at me and I could see the amount of grief in their eyes. They almost never talked about their past before the zones, and I was surprised to hear all of this information pour out of their mouth. "I don't think you understand how much it means to me and my brother that you actually said something to defend us - to defend him."

I hadn't even thought about how my actions would have affected others. I did what I knew was right. I knew that nobody deserved to be called something that they weren't, even if they once were. I knew that Kobra Kid was my friend - my best friend - and I wasn't going to let someone get away with deliberately hurting him.

"It was the right thing to do." I said to them, keeping my eyes locked with theirs. "I know what it's like to be reminded of who you used to be. It's not exactly the same, but I was a dad. I was a husband. I had a family and they'll always be part of my past but it's not who I am anymore, you know? Some days I can look at my hands and be reminded of how I used to hold baby bottles, or how my wife would run her fingers over my own just to feel that I was with her." I knew that I shouldn't be saying what I was, but Poison was listening to me with kind eyes, almost as if they were edging me on with my story. "It's different for you two, isn't it? I mean, my memories are almost always caused by myself, but you two get reminded of your past by complete strangers."

"Everyone is different." Poison said softly. "Sometimes I misgender myself. Sometimes I think that I might actually be who everyone else wants me to be. Nobody wants to be reminded of times they try to forget, but it happens." a faint smile slipped onto their face. "The point is, even though my brother and I are confident in who we've become, it's hard to hear others tell us that we're not really us. You still call yourself a dad, Ghoul. You acknowledge that you once had kids and a wife, and you express that you sometimes miss that part of your life. I don't miss being called something that I wasn't, and neither does Kobra. We try to forget about it has hard as we can, but you still love your family. You still have hope in them. The only thing that I have hope in is my brother and this gang. It's why it means so much to me that you actually told Tommy that he's an asshole for calling Kobra something that he's not."

My eyes flickered back down to the box of cigarettes in my hand. All of that over a couple of cigarettes and some hair dye? I couldn't believe that's what our shortage in carbons resulted to, but I also tried to think of what would have happened if I hadn't had said anything. Who knows what state of mine Kobra would have been in afterword? Sure, he looked a little overwhelmed when he stepped out of the store, and there's no telling what kind of mental attributions he's dealing with, but I didn't want to think about how things could have changed if I didn't stand up for him.

I looked back up to Poison. "We should probably get going." I muttered, turning my head to look through the windshield of the Trans-Am. Jet was in the passenger seat and Kobra was sitting right behind him in the back.

Poison slid off of the hood of the car and crossed in front of me to go to the drivers side. "I owe you one." they stated before opening the door and getting in.

I got off of the car when Poison started it, and I shoved the cigarettes into the small pocket I had on my vest. When I climbed into the back seat Kobra had the boxes of hair dye sitting in his lap, his eyes locked onto them as if he was reading something incredibly interesting. I continued to look at him despite the movement of the car, but he didn't acknowledge that I was staring until I spoke.

"You okay, man?" I asked, gently putting my hand on his shoulder.

He turned his head to look at me, staying silent for a few seconds before nodding. "Yeah," he moved his head to look back down at the boxes. "I'm alright."

I took my hand off of him. "I'm here for you, you know." that got him to look back up at me. "We're friends. This gang is a family. We're all here for you."

He didn't say anything in response, but he didn't need to. The amount of appreciation that was radiating from him was more than words. I nodded and moved my head to look forward. Jet had been looking in the rearview mirror at us, and when he saw that I caught him staring, he gave me a heartfelt smile and focused his gaze back on the stretch of desert road ahead. I didn't know what he thought was going on between me and Kobra. He had been giving me looks like that for the past few weeks, and it made me wonder if he knew something that I didn't. Nothing had changed as far as my friendship with Kobra Kid, so it didn't make any sense whatsoever. Jet knew how to get information out of us, though, so I wouldn't be surprised if he was aware of something that I wasn't.

The car was silent except for the faint sound of the static of the radio and the buzzing of the tires against the road. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, but I was grateful of Poison for speaking up and breaking it. "You guys wanna stop by Dr. D's for the night?" they asked, turning their head to look at Jet, and then almost completely turning around to look at Kobra and I.

Kobra waved his hand at his sibling. "Turn around - eyes on the road."

They grinned and turned back around. "Was that a no?"

"I didn't say no, I just didn't want to veer off the asphalt and end up dying."

"We all end up dying," Jet said casually, raising a hand to move the hair out of his face.

Kobra looked at me in disbelief, as if asking for me to help him out, but all I could do was let out a small laugh. If I had thought that he was actually being picked on then I would have said something, but this was what the gang did. We teased each other and then we laughed about it. It happened a lot, and it was what got us by. I smiled, though, which must have been enough to let him know that I wasn't going to back him on this one.

"That's reassuring." Kobra let out a 'hmph' sound and crossed his arms.

Poison made a humming noise, but I spoke before they could. "I think it'd be good for all of us to be with Dr. D again." I nodded as if agreeing with my own words, and looked out the window. "And you know if Cola is there we're going to be up half the night just catching up."

"So is everyone cool with Dr. D's tonight?" Poison asked, slowing down the speed of the car.

We all nodded in unison and they made a sharp left turn off of the road and into the sand of the desert. The unexpected turn made me lose my balance, causing me to fall sideways and press up against Kobra. I had managed to halfway catch myself before completely landing on him, but either way it was an awkward situation. My right hand was on his shoulder, my left hand pressed against his thigh with my fingers curling around his leg. I looked up at Kobra for a second before realizing the position that we were in and quickly scrambling to push away from him.

"Sorry," I breathed out, hoping that I hadn't made him too uncomfortable.

"It's alright," he murmured in response, raising his hands to adjust the collar of his jacket.

I couldn't exactly tell what he was thinking, but I wasn't about to ask. I knew that he didn't exactly like being touched in any way, so I silently hoped that he wasn't dreading me being around him. It truly had been an accident for me to fall on him. I was lucky that I had at least caught myself in some way before completely falling on top of him. Luckily, it wasn't that long of a trip to Dr. D's from here, so I shouldn't have to worry about Kobra's view of me for that much long. I knew that once he got in the perimeter of Cherri Cola, his mood would skyrocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that I'm about a week late with posting this, and I'm going to be late with posting the next chapter. I'm currently in the process of moving houses and trying to get things settled, but I'm trying my best to write this as well. Thank you all for understanding!


	4. Chapter 4

It was around late afternoon when we reached Dr. D and Cola's place. It didn't look like much from the outside - to most killjoys it probably just looked like another abandoned shack - but there was enough activity outside of the cabin-like structure that signaled people lived there. There was a lawn chair to the side, and sitting next to it on the ground was a small cooler that was normally filled with beer or soda. A couple of animal bowls - half filled with food - sat right next to the front door. Dr. D never fills them, he says it's Cola's job, but I believe that he doesn't fill up the bowls because he doesn't want stray animals coming around. Even this far out in the zones, stray cats and dogs end up wandering around looking for a source of food, and Cherri Cola had talked Dr. D into letting him put out two bowls just in case anything comes by looking for a meal. It's thoughtful, really. The strays don't stick around for long, so it's not that big of a deal. Just like us killjoys, the animals continue on with their journey through the zones.

When Poison turned off the car, Kobra was the first one to jump out. He had a strong relationship with Cola - friendship wise, that is - and it had been a while since they had seen each other, so he was the most excited out of all of us. The rest of us opened our doors and stepped out into the desert. The sun had began to set, but the sky was still bright - the only difference being that there was wisps of pink and orange in the sky.

Kobra had grabbed Jet's wrist, practically dragging him towards the house with a smile filled with anticipation. I had missed this place. I had missed Cola and Dr. D, but it didn't feel like home for me. This was where Kobra and Poison spent the majority of their rebel lives, so it felt much more like home to them. Cola had become like a mentor to the two of them after the death of their parents, so having someone to replace that slot so quickly made the connection even stronger. I like Cola - he's a good guy, but I never felt that close to him.

I stepped out of the car and into the desert, closing the door behind me, but staying motionless for a few seconds. Poison had began to walk away from the car, but slowed their pace as they got near the hood. I walked forward to catch up with them.

"Is it as weird for you to be back here as it is for me?" Poison continued to look towards the house as they spoke.

I stood behind them, our shoulders almost touching. "It's always weird coming back to a place you haven't been in a while."

It had been months since we visited Cola and Dr. D. They were old friends, people that you could sit down with and talk as if no time had even passed. We rarely caught their radio show on the airwaves, and even when we did, we don't listen to it for very long. I understood what Poison ment. It did feel weird to be standing in front of the house of your friends.

"I guess you're right." they said, moving their foot to kick up some sand.

I walked forward, brushing against their arm. "Why don't we go in?" Jet and Kobra had already disappeared inside, so it was only a guess that they were waiting for us to follow.

Poison nodded before continuing towards the house, walking side by side with me until we came to the doorway. They pushed past me, going in first and leaving me to close the door behind me. The place wasn't much. There were four main rooms - two of them being Cola and Dr. D's bedrooms, as well as a spare room for whenever our gang stopped by, and the last room being their recording studio where all of the radio-magic happened. There was a small kitchen within the recording room, but it was more of a fridge and a microwave than anything else. Everything was fairly narrow, barely enough room in the hallway for two people to walk beside each other. When you first walk in, it seems spacious. A beat-up couch is off to the left side underneath a window, and to the right side is a torn armchair. In the center of the house is where the hallway is. Two bedroom doors are on the left (these are Cola's room and the spare), and one is on the right (that one is Dr. D's room. It's a little bigger than the other two, seeing how he needs a little bit more space to get his wheelchair around furniture). A small, very compact bathroom is also on the right side of the hallway, right after Dr. D's room. The recording studio is in the very back, it's door taken off of it's hinges since it was more of a hassle to open and close the door than it is to completely throw it away.

When I walked in, the first thing I saw was Kobra and Cola sitting on the couch. Kobra had his knees brought up to his chest, but he still managed to look relaxed. Jet was sitting to the right in the armchair, but Dr. D wasn't in the main room.

"It took you two long enough to get in here." Cola said with a grin, standing up from the couch to walk over to us. He hugged Poison for a couple of seconds before taking a step backwards. "You think you're too good to be seen hanging around here?"

Poison shook their head. "Just had to take everything in first."

Cola nodded slowly, almost as if he understood. His eyes shifted to look at me and another smile appeared on his face. Slowly, he walked away from Poison and over to me, sticking out his hand for me to shake. "It's been a while, old man."

I grasped his hand in mine and shook it, "I'm younger than you." I responded, dropping his hand but continuing to look up at him.

"Yeah, but you don't look like it."

"The zones add ten years." I gave him a half smile and turned to press my back up against the wall.

Cola moved around me and headed towards the door. His hand was on the handle but he paused before opening it. "Ghoul, why don't you go sit next to Kobra?"

I turned my head to look at him. "You were sitting there. I don't want to-"

"You look exhausted." Cola nodded to the empty seat on the couch. "Really, go sit down. I'm getting a chair from outside for Poison, it's fine."

Poison shook their head. "I can sit on the floor, don't get a chair for me."

Cola didn't say anything at first. He opened the door to walk out, but stopped himself and turned his head around. "You four are too nice. You're our guests. Let us do something nice for you all for once." he turned back around and walked out the door, shutting it behind him.

I looked at Poison and our eyes met. They raised an eyebrow at me, but neither of us said anything. I was exhausted, Cola was right about that. I had slept in the car the day before, but it wasn't much considering I was running off of maybe two hours. Reluctantly, I walked towards the couch to sit next to Kobra. I let out a soft, audible groan as I leaned my head back onto the cushion.

"Did you not get much sleep last night?" Kobra asked me in an almost whisper-like voice.

I was looking up at the ceiling, but my eyes were closed. I shook my head in a response to his question. "I haven't gotten much sleep in the past two years."

"Are they getting worse?" his voice was still soft. It began to seem like he didn't want to be heard by anyone else.

"They aren't exactly getting better."

Kobra was referencing my night terrors. It sounds a little childish for me to be having extreme nightmares, but after going through everything that I have, I'm surprised that I get any sleep at all. Every night I go through the same routine of trying to fall asleep, but I'm normally kept awake by my own thoughts. Sometimes I don't even want to try to sleep because I know that the only thing I'll see is replayed memories from my past. The nights that I'm lucky enough to end up drifting off always end in the same manner. I get maybe an hour of rest, but the entire time I'm asleep, I'm dreaming of the death of my daughters. Their death is replayed over and over again until I'm so emotionally distraught that I end up sobbing myself awake. Some nights I have more mild night terrors, ones where I'm back in the BL/IND facility, my arms and legs tied down as needles are injected into my veins. I try to scream out for help, but it always leads to me actually vocalizing my pain in real life. I haven't had a peaceful night's rest for years, and honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if the rest of the gang was getting annoyed of my emotional outbursts in the night.

I heard the door open, and I lifted my head off of the couch to see Cola walking in with a lawn chair. He unfolded it and placed it to the right side of the room near the armchair Jet was sitting in.

Closing the door, he nodded to the chair. "Sit down, take a break."

Poison hesitated, but took the offer of the chair. When they sat down, they had a reaction similar to the one I had had. Sure, we had all been sitting in a car for half the day, but we were all still tired. We all needed to rest somewhere that wasn't a place we normally did.

"Where's Dr. D?" Kobra asked, his head turned to Cola who was sitting on the floor by the door.

"Out. He said he wanted some alone time to think." Cola shrugged, but looked at Poison in return. "How long are you four planning on staying?"

None of us really had an answer for that. Idealy, we would be staying for weeks at a time, but we all knew that couldn't happen. Poison raised a hand to run it through their hair. "I think we'll be heading out tomorrow morning. It all depends on how tonight goes."

"You know that you can stay for as long as you need to." Cola let his eyes flicker across the room, looking at us all individually.

There was a few seconds of silence before Poison interrupted it. "Do you mind if we dye our hair here?" Cola looked at them, his head tilted. "It's a weird question, I know, but you're the only place out in the zones with actual running water and -"

"You don't have to explain yourself." Cola had a thin smile on his face. "You and your brother used to dye your hair here all the time. Dr. D complains about the color in the tub for a few days, but neither of us really mind."

Poison nodded slowly. "Is it alright if we do it now? I mean, we're all pretty tired so the earlier we get it done, the quicker we can go to sleep."

Cola began to stand up from his spot in the floor. "Do whatever you want. You know your way around this place, you know how it all works when you stay." he began to walk towards the hallway, "I got a show to run for a couple of hours, but when you're ready to crash for the night, my room and the guest room are open."

We all watched as he made his way to the recording studio. When Cola disappeared into the back, I looked across the room to Jet with weary eyes. He seemed to have the same expression that I did, but we both knew that neither of us would be sleeping anytime soon. Whenever the four of us stayed here, Jet and I normally shared a bed, which meant that he would be kept up all night by me fidgeting and talking in my sleep. He always said that he didn't mind it, but I know that it's easy to have a vengeance on someone when they make it difficult to sleep.

Poison stood up from their chair and began to walk towards the door. "I'm gonna go get the dye from the car. Is there anything you guys need from in there?"

None of us said anything, or even gave a simple shake of the head. Our lack of enthusiasm told me that we were all desperate for a good night's rest. Poison nodded once, and then stepped out of the house, leaving the door open just a crack.

"Ghoul,"

I heard Kobra's voice to my right and I turned my head to look at him. "Hmm?"

His voice was still soft as he spoke. I wasn't sure if it was because he was upset or if he was simply tired. "Will you help me with my hair? It's hard for me to do the roots by myself."

"Yeah," I said, bringing a hand up to rub my face. "it's no problem."

It wouldn't be the first time that I helped him dye his hair. Poison had always been able to do it themselves, but their brother struggled when it came to the parts that he couldn't see. He always wanted it to be perfect, which was a hassle, especially when there was a mix up with the dye bottle and Kobra's hair ended up being electric blue for an entire month. He still blames me for that accident, when in reality, I believe it was a prank that Poison tried to pull but they never owned up to it.

I raised my head to look up when the door opened once more. Poison pushed through, shutting it behind them. There were two boxes in their hands, and they tossed one of them at their brother. It landed in his lap rather than him actually catching it, since he hadn't been paying attention. Kobra put his hands on the box in his lap, his eyes looking over the packaging like he was regretting the decision of redyeing.

"Do you want to do it now?" I asked him, nodding slightly to the box.

He looked up at me and shrugged. "Might as well. It's going to take a while, and I want to get at least some sleep tonight."

I was slightly envious of him, envious of everyone in the gang, honestly. I couldn't remember what I was like to be able to fall asleep and not be terrified of what would wake me up. I wouldn't ever say that to any of them, though. They knew that I had difficulty sleeping, and I was slightly glad that they didn't have to deal with night terrors as well.

I stood up from the couch, taking a couple of steps towards the hallway that lead to the rest of the house. I paused and turned back around, "You coming?" I asked Kobra, who was still looking up at me with bright eyes. He nodded once before standing.

The bathroom wasn't that large. It was originally built for one person - that person being Dr. D - so it had become significantly cluttered over the years since Cola had began living there as well. There was enough room for two able bodied people to move around considering it was made for a man in a wheelchair, but regardless of the space, it was still difficult to move around in with everything that was spilling out of drawers and onto the floor. Hair products, shaving razors, empty shampoo bottles, condom wrappers, and dirty clothes were aimlessly tossed on the sink counter and hanging off of the half-opened drawers underneath it.

"This place is a mess," Kobra murmured as he nudged a single sock out of his way. I moved around what was on the floor so that a clean spot was available for him to sit down during the dyeing process. "How do they live like this?"

I shrugged, reaching for the box of hair dye in his hands. "They don't have to live out of a car, for one." I ripped open the top of the box, my fingers searching for the instructions. "I bet if the four of us had an actual place to live that it would be twice as bad as this." Once I found the white piece of paper, I sat the box down on the floor, "Besides, it's only the bathroom that's messy. That's pretty good for two guys."

Kobra leaned up against the sink counter. "I just don't understand why there are so many condom wrappers."

I glanced up from reading the instructions, a thin smile on my lips. "Cola's an attractive guy. What do you expect?" his face turned a light shade of pink and I continued to read about how the bleach should not directly touch the scalp.

"I... I didn't say he wasn't, I just... How does he even sleep with that many people?"

"When there's a will, there's a way." I crouched down, picking up the box of hair dye and grabbing the bottle of bleach from it. I looked up at Kobra as I stood. "Pop a squat,"

He raised an eyebrow but pushed away from the counter and sat down in front of my feet, his back facing me. "Don't fuck up my hair," he said, running a hand through his brown-roots for one last time.

I shook the bottle for a couple of seconds before pressing my thumb against the tip, flicking off the cap to the bleach. I took a half-step closer to Kobra, my thighs hitting his shoulders, and I raised my free hand to move around his hair. I hadn't even realized how much his roots had grown in until now. There was nearly an inch of brown beneath his regular blonde, and I knew why Poison had wanted him to re-dye it. Slowly, I squeezed some of the light-blue liquid onto his hair, moving it around with my bare hands.

"You're going to burn yourself," Kobra spoke softly, and I wasn't exactly sure if I was supposed to hear what he had said.

I could already feel a slight tingle in my fingertips, but I wasn't about to call it quits and put on gloves. "I'll be fine." I added more of the bleach onto his hair, smoothing it through so it would cover all of the dark hair.

He let out a soft "mmm" sound, almost as if he didn't agree with me. He knew I should have put on gloves, I knew I should have put on gloves, but it was too late to put them on anyway. My hands were practically covered in bleach, so they wouldn't do me any good.

"Tilt your head forward," I instructed him, pushing his head softly as I worked my way to the back of his hair. I edged closer to him, his head practically resting between my hips. Kobra leaned away from me in an attempt to squirm away. "You alright?" I asked him, knowing exactly what his problem was.

Kobra moved his head forward to try and move from my legs, but I continued to step closer. "Your groin is on my neck, Ghoul." A smirk crossed my lips and I pressed myself against him, almost straddling his neck between my thighs. He left out an uncomfortable noise and pulled away from me completely, my hands abandoning his hair as he sat nearly a foot away from me. Kobra turned around, his head tilted upward to look at me. "Why don't you act out your hypersexual tendancies on somebody else?"

I smiled softly and walked over to the sink, turning on the water to begin washing off the bleach on my hands. "You're more fun to mess with." I turned my head slightly to look at him, "You're done, by the way. Just gotta wait thirty minutes."

Kobra stood up from the floor, his right arm raising so his hand was resting on the back of his neck. I turned off the sink and picked up a slightly-damp hand towel sitting next to it, moving my hands against the fabric to dry them. When most of the moisture was gone, I sat the towel back down and turned to face Kobra.

"How long do you actually think we're going to stay?" he asked me, his voice growing soft again.

I rose an eyebrow, wondering if he hadn't heard his sibling answer that question earlier. "Poison said we were probably going to head out tomorrow morning."

He shook his head. "No, I mean like... how long do you think we're going to stay?"

"Not much longer than tomorrow afternoon." I leaned against the counter and crossed my arms over my chest.

Kobra's eyes were settled onto the tile floor. I could tell that he was wanting to say something, but he was strongly debating if it was the right time to say it, or if it was the right thing to say. He raised his head to look at me and blinked once. "Do you think that you can talk them into letting us stay longer?"

My head tilted to the side in moderate confusion. "Why can't you ask?"

"Poison knows that I always want to stay here, but you never care how long we stay. They'd listen to you more than they would me."

I knew how much this place meant to Kobra. Cola was like a member of his extended family, the same goes for Dr. D. I couldn't say no to him, especially when I could at least try my best to talk Poison into staying for another day, possibly two. It didn't hurt anything to try.

"Yeah," I said, uncrossing my arms, "I'll do what I can, but I'm not promising anything."

He let a smile slip onto his face, "Thanks, I -"

The bathroom door opened wider than it had been, forcing Kobra to take a step farther into the room. Poison was leaning against the door frame, their body only a couple inches from mine since I was still pressed against the sink counter. There was a box of of hair dye in their hands, and they tilted their head against the frame, looking at their brother before speaking. "You two almost done in here?"

Kobra looked at me for an answer and I turned to Poison. "He's still gotta wash out the bleach, it's probably done by now, honestly." I looked back to Kobra, "You can handle washing it out by yourself, right?" he nodded and I pushed away from the counter, "Sounds like a plan, then."

"Are you going to bed?" Kobra asked, his eyes flickering to the door and then back to me.

I shrugged, "Probably, we'll see what happens." I took a step towards the door and Poison backed up so I could get out of the bathroom. I turned back around when I walked out, making sure that I was still in the line-of-sight of Kobra. "G'night, guys."

The siblings murmured back a half-hearted "goodnight" and I began to make my way down the hallway to get to the room I would be staying in. I wasn't exactly sure if Jet and I would be crashing in Cola's room or the spare, since it switches off nearly every time we stay here, so I took a guess at which one it would be. Cola's door was already ajar, leaving me to believe that Jet had already began to settle in there.

I pushed the door open the rest of the way and blinked a couple of times to adjust my eyes to the darkness. The blinds were closed, letting only small slivers of the rising moonlight into the room. Jet Star was sitting on the edge of the right side of the bed, one of his knees brought up to his chest as he worked to get the laces of his boot untied. His other shoe was already off and sitting next to the bed, but he paused his actions when he noticed that I had walked into the room.

"Hey, little man," Jet's mouth curled into a half-smile and he looked back down at his shoe, continuing to untie it.

I kicked the door shut the rest of the way and walked over to the side of the bed that Jet wasn't on, shrugging off my vest before sitting down. The piece of clothing hit the floor with a thud, sounding heavier than it actually was. I heard Jet's other boot hit the ground and he stood, making the bed shift from the loss of his weight. I stared at the wall opposite of me, my hands clasped together in my lap as my eyes looked over the arrange of posters plastered blindly to the wall. They were all brightly colored, most of them being of bands that played at The Pit. Cola had always been deeply into music - hence being a radio DJ - so it wasn't surprising that his room was covered in music-inspired posters.

A hand touching my shoulder and I jumped slightly, being snapped out of my daze when Jet spoke. "You alright?" he asked, his hand still resting on me.

"Yeah," I nodded and his hand came back to rest by his side. I breathed in deeply and reached backwards to grab the back of my shirt, pulling it over my head so my tattooed chest and abdomen were exposed. "I wish I could wash my clothes in an actual washing machine, though. It's the only thing I miss about Battery City."

Jet let out a laugh and walked back over to his side of the bed. "If that's all you miss about the City then you've got a lot going for you."

I leaned back onto the bed, turning my body so that I would my lying down correctly. The sheets were cool, and it almost made me shudder since I wasn't used to the temperature. My eyes had already closed and I could feel my mind beginning to drift to sleep, but they quickly snapped open when Jet began to speak again.

"Can I ask you something?" his voice was gentle, like he believed he was treading into harsh waters.

I sat up, propping myself up with my elbow so I was facing him. "What's up?"

Jet looked towards the door, but then back to me. "Do you like Kobra?"

"Well, yeah." I laid back down on the bed, my eyes fixed on the ceiling. "He's a great guy, it's hard not to like him."

"No, I mean..." his voice trailed off, and I quickly realized that we weren't talking about the same level of 'like'. "I mean do you want to date him?"

Sitting back up, I looked over Jet's facial expression. It seemed as if he was concerned for me, for Kobra, but that he was also genuinely curious. I shrugged in response. "I've thought about it, but it'd be too much for both of us. I've already lost so many people, I don't want to get incredibly attached to him just for him to die."

I had been friends with Kobra for over two years. We're close, and we always have been. I have to admit that the thought of us dating has crossed my mind multiple times, but I wouldn't want to put him in that position. He already has to deal with me just through our friendship, and sometimes it feels like even that is overwhelming him. He shouldn't have to worry about me more than he already does. We're friends. That's all we are, and even if I did want to be something more, he's never reciprocated the feelings.

"You know that it's okay to move on, though, right?" Jet's voice was steady and calm, almost soothing. I never understood how he was able to make himself sound so wise. "Your wife, your family... they'd understand if you have a relationship with somebody new."

So that's what this is about? He thought that I needed to move on from my past. He thought that it was time for me to forget who I once loved and to give up hope that they're still out there. He never even knew my wife or my children, and he thinks that they would just understand if I moved on? My wife loved me, and I loved her, but if she's still out there I can't move on. There's still hope that I'll find her. I can't give up. I can't move on completely. There's no way that I can be in another relationship; not until I find out where she is.

"I've been with other people," I said bitterly, laying back down on the bed so I wasn't looking at Jet. "so don't tell me that I need to move on."

"Ghoul..." it sounded like he was trying to plead with me. "A couple of hundred one-night-stands isn't moving on. You're bargaining with yourself; you need a real relationship."

"You're asexual and aromantic, but you're telling me that one-night-stands don't count towards anything and that I need to actually be with someone." a laugh escaped my lips, and I turned on my side so my back was facing him. "You're funny."

There was a break of silence in the conversation, but Jet quickly filled it. "Stop being such an asshole, Ghoul."

I sat up quickly, turning my head so I could look him in the eyes. "Stop telling me to move on from someone that I spent half my life with." my voice was bitter, my entire facial expression filled with hatred for what he had said to me. "Jamia can't be replaced. My kids can't be replaced by Kobra. Shut up." I stared at him for a few longing more seconds before turning back around and laying down with my back facing him.

I wanted to go to sleep. I wanted to be as far away from Jet as possible, even if that meant living through my night terrors. Sleeping wasn't the difficult part. I could sleep on command if I wanted to. My issue was that I was terrified to sleep. I didn't want to sleep for nearly an hour just to be woken up by my own screams. It's a terrifying experience, but it was better than being awake. I shut my eyes tightly, trying my best to disappear from the real world. I laid there for nearly two minutes before Jet laid down, the bed shifting as he moved. I had my arms pressed against my chest as I wished for sleep, praying to whatever was out there that my dreams wouldn't be as horrible as they always are.


	5. Chapter 5

The floor was cold, white tile. My boots left dusty footprints on them as I walked through the stretch of hall before me. The security cameras that lined the walls moved to follow me as I walked past, and I knew that a set of Dracs would be released on us soon. The rest of the gang was walking behind me, our footsteps echoing throughout the empty hall. My hand rested on the handle of my gun as I prepared for the time that I would have to take it out. It would be soon. There's no way that Better Living Industries would let the Fabulous Four roam their building without being executed.

I came to a halt at the end of the hallway since it split off into two directions. Both left and right were empty, but I didn't know which one would bring us to who were we needed to be. I felt a body brush against my right shoulder and I turned my head to see Poison standing beside me, their mask covering their face so I couldn't read their expression.

"Left." They stated plainly, still staring at the wall in front of us. "We're going left." I didn't question their motives. Poison knew this place like the back of their hand.

They turned and walked past me, taking the lead of the gang. I fell behind them, walking in a line with Kobra and Jet flanking my sides. A flash of white passed in front of us, only a few feet away from where we were walking, and Poison halted, causing us to pause and wait to continue on. Their hand was gripped tightly around the handle of their gun, their knuckles turning a ghostly white. I reciprocated the gesture, my heart rate alarmingly calm for the task at hand.

Get in building.

Shoot anyone that gets in your way.

Find head of corporates.

Kill them.

It seemed like a fairly easy thing to do, but when the four of our faces are plastered all over Battery City with the word "EXTERMINATE" across them, it's not easy to slip by unnoticed. I held my breath, trying to be as silent as possible as we listened for any sign that we were being watched or followed. There was a banging sound above us, and my head jolted upward, staring at the ceiling. It sounded like thin metal being hit by a hand, or someone noisily crawling through air ducts.

Slowly, I took my gun out of the holster. I kept it pressed against my thigh, my finger on the trigger and ready to fire. I tilted my head back down to look forward. Poison had turned around the face us, and when they saw that I had taken my gun out, they held up their hand as if to say I didn't need it right now. A part of me didn't believe that it was safe, but I had to trust them. Reluctantly, I slid my gun back into its holster.

"Let's go," they said as they turned back around and began to walk again.

I adjusted the mask on my face before continuing, my own breath being trapped inside of it and making it difficult to breathe. I kept my hand on my gun as we advanced. Anything could happen - I knew that. Better Living Industries were capable of anything. Nobody wanted to push them and see how far they would go, but we weren't afraid to do that. I wasn't afraid to do that. That's why we were here. We had a job to do.

A hard object hit the back of my head and I fell forward. My hands hit the floor and I had to brace myself so I didn't crumple completely. My vision was fuzzy, the edges going black, but I knew that I had to stand back up and fight. I heard a high-pitched shriek from behind me and I tried my best to scramble to my feet. The sound of laser guns being shot echoed out through the hallway, along with Poison shouting small commands at all of us.

When I stood I reached for my gun, but my arm was pulled back before I could even touch the weapon. I felt my arm being twisted behind my back farther than it should have been. A loud cracking sound echoed in my ears, followed by a sharp pain in my shoulder and upper arm. I threw my head back in pain, letting out an agonizing cry. The person holding my arm kept it pressed behind me, their other hand coming up to rip my mask off of my head and weave their fingers into my hair. They held my head back, but their grip on my hair was tight enough to make it feel as if knives were being embedded into my skull.

I shuffled my feet backwards in attempt to find where the legs of the person holding me were. Much to my surprise, I was shoved back onto the floor before I could try to get away on my own. This time I didn't catch myself to brace my fall. The arm that had been behind my back hit the floor first, followed by my forehead being smashed against the tile. I wearily picked up my head, the sight of blood smeared on the floor where my forehead had previously been making the pain in my body even worse.

I used my legs to push me up against the wall, my back pressed to it so I could see the action going on. Poison and Jet were to my left fight off a pair of Dracs, both of them struggling to reach for their guns. They had a lot more fight in them than I did - it was obvious. I turned my head to the right to see a head S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W holding Kobra in a headlock. I could hear his uneven breath as he gasped for air. My left hand reached for my gun on the opposite side and I struggled to get it out of the holster. If I couldn't do anything else, I was going to help Kobra.

Two Dracs walked up to me on either side, their hands grabbing my vest as they pulled me to my feet. I knew that I was done for. Once a Drac gets their hands on you there's not much left for you to do, and in my current state of pain and delirium, I wasn't going to be much of a fight. The Dracs didn't shoot me, though. They didn't even make my pain worse. Instead, they looped their arms around mine, making sure that I couldn't get my hands on my gun. They were holding me back. They were keeping me still. They were forcing me to watch Kobra.

His eyes met mine in a silent plea for help. The color of his face had begun to turn blue, but I could do nothing. I screamed. I did what I could do and all I could do was scream. I screamed for help. I yelled for Poison, for Jet.... I yelled for the S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W choking him to let him go. I yelled at the Dracs holding me to let me go. There were tears streaming down my face and my words were being coughed out as I spoke.

"Help him!" I shouted, trying to lunge forward, but it was no use. The Dracs had too tight of a grip on my arms. "Let him go! Let me help him!"

The S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W kept their arm locked around Kobra's throat, but their face turned to look at me. My breath caught when I saw who they were. My sobbing worsened when I realized that the love of my life was about to kill one of the only people who understood me.

My jaw was shaking as I tried to collect my thoughts. I gasped unwillingly before I spoke. "Please," my body shuttered and the Dracs tightened their grip. "Jamia, please."

My wife stared back at me with cold, empty eyes. I looked at Kobra, hoping that he would be regaining his normal skin color, but his pigment was becoming more and more blue as the minutes went on. I tried to lunge toward them but it wasn't worth it. My friend was going to die. My wife was to blame.

"Let him go!" I screamed at her, my cheeks wet and cold from my tears. Jamia continued to stare at me as she reached for her gun. The metal pressed against Kobra's temple and I shrieked more words that begged for her to let him live.

This couldn't be happening.

This couldn't be real.

None of this could be happening.

It wasn't real.

It was all too real.

"This is your punishment, Frank." her voice was smooth and unwavering. "You couldn't protect us, so you have to watch him die."

A bright light fired from the end of her gun, but the sound of it firing was oblivious to my ears. I couldn't hear anything. Everything was ringing. Kobra slumped forward in Jamia's arms and she let him drop to the floor, his body sprawled out in an unnatural way. Dark red liquid pooled out from his head. A thin line of blood from his wound trickled towards me and I sunk to my knees. My teeth were clenched tightly as I stared at the lifeless body of my friend. My shoulders jolted up and down as I sobbed. I continued to yell out in hopes that it would bring him back.

"No!" I screamed, my body hunching forwards as I tried to get closer to him, but the Dracs kept me at a distance. "You can't be dead! I need you! I lo-"

A hand grabbed my shoulder, making me stop mid sentence. I turned my head to look at who had touched me but nobody was there. I continued to sob, but the nonexistent hand continued to shake my shoulder violently.

A voice called out my name and I chose to ignore it, looking back at Kobra who was losing the color in his face rapidly. I heard my name again and this time I looked up towards the ceiling, my teeth still clenched in an attempt to get myself under control.

I opened my eyes and all I saw was complete darkness. My chest was rising and falling quickly, my breath uneven and my face wet from tears. I choked out another sob before realizing where I was and what had happened.

I'm in Cola's bedroom.

It was a dream.

Kobra's still alive.

Jet Star was looking at me with concern, his hand still resting on my shoulder. "Are you okay?"

I took in a shaky breath, wondering if I should tell him the truth or not. I had night terrors every night that I fell asleep. They weren't something new that I was dealing with, but it had been the first time that I had ever had that dream. It had been the first time that I had ever dreamt of Kobra dying.

Jet asked another time if I was okay, and I shook my head. I was still crying; the aftermath of the dreams were always emotionally worse than the dreams themselves. Jet crossed his arm over my chest to put his free hand on my other shoulder. Slowly, he pulled me up into a sitting position. My back was pressed against the wall, seeing how the bed didn't have a headboard.

"Breathe," he calmly told me, bringing one of his hands off of my shoulder to move my hair away from my face. It was plastered to my skin from either sweat or tears, I couldn't be sure which. "It's going to be alright. It was just a dream."

Just a dream. It sure as hell felt real for it to be 'just a dream'. I let out another sob, my shoulders moving involuntarily. It felt as if there was a fifty pound weight on my chest. I could barely breathe. I felt the tears moving down my face again at a rapid rate and I couldn't hold the emotions back. I gasped for air once, twice, before Jet spoke again.

"You have to calm down, Ghoul." his voice was still soft. It was beginning to feel like he thought of me as a child, "You're going to have a panic attack if you don't breathe right. Look at me," I tried my best to steady my watery gaze on his darkened face. It was the middle of the night, and the small strips of moonlight coming from the window didn't help much when it came to trying to look at him. "Three seconds in, three seconds out. You know this. Breathe."

I sobbed again, completely disregarding the breathing tactics. I knew that I should listen to him - he knew how to calm me down. I wish that he knew what I had dreamt about, though. I thought that maybe if he knew then he wouldn't be trying to calm me down as much. This wasn't a normal dream. This wasn't something I saw every night. This was something worse. This was something I never wanted to experience ever again.

I leaned forward, my head pressing against Jet's bare chest. His arms slipped tighter around my shoulders, pressing me closer to him. I tried to wish it all away. Not only the dream, but life itself. If I could have a redo of the last five years then it would all be okay. I could talk myself out of thinking against Better Living Industries. I could talk my wife out of wanting to disappear into the zones. I could still have my kids and my family. I wanted my life back. I wasn't a hero, none of us were. We were all just trying to get by. Somewhere along the way we were labeled as saviors, and I knew that expectation couldn't be met. I was a coward. I couldn't save my family. I couldn't even save my friend, and that had been a dream. People depend on me, on the gang, but it's no use. We all end up under their control in the end.

Jet's hand curled around the back of my neck, his fingers stroking my hair. He was trying his best to comfort me but it didn't matter. Everything I know is eventually going to fall apart before me. Everyone I love is going to die at one point or another. It seems like a better idea to just go off on my own instead of waiting for it to all play out. I know that it's going to happen. It's inevitable. All my friends are going to get killed - that's how it works. I just don't know if I can survive without them. The last time I was on my own, I subjected to BL/IND's control fairly easily.

The sobs I had been choking out diminished into short sniffles. I was still desperate for air, so my breathe was shaking as I gasped, my cheek pressed against Jet's chest. He was still murmuring words to try and get me to calm down, his hand running over the back of my head to soothe me.

Softly, he pulled his arms away from my body and pushed me away from him. I looked at him with tired eyes as he spoke. "It was something different this time, wasn't it?" I nodded slightly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I considered telling him. He should probably know if it might be recurring. I shook my head, my eyes averting downward.

"He's alright;" Jet whispered to me, his head motioning to the door. "Kobra is. I promise you."

I looked up and blinked, causing a few stray tears to tumble down my face. My voice was hoarse as I spoke. "How did you-"

"Know it was about him?" he gave me a heartfelt look. "You kept saying a lot of 'he' pronouns. It was either about me, Kobra, or Cola, and it wasn't that hard to narrow down."

I raised my hand to my face to try and wipe some of the moisture off. "I'm sorry I'm like this." I murmured, dropping my hand back into my lap and looking at Jet.

He shook his head softly, his hair being tossed around his face. "Don't apologize." he moved his legs to sit in a criss-cross position. "You can't help it, and we all understand that. It doesn't bother us - it doesn't bother me. We want to make sure you're okay, though."

"I'm not okay." I held his gaze for a couple of seconds before laying back down on the bed. "Trust me."

My body was heavy against the mattress. It felt as if my entire frame was sinking downward, hopefully making me disappear from the zones completely. I closed my eyes, the darkness overwhelming my mind. The silence was deafening. The entire world had stopped turning for a matter of seconds. I took in a deep, steady breath. A single cough from across the hall echoed throughout the small home, and I opened my eyes in response to it.

"Just know that we're all here for you, alright?" Jet laid back down and we both stayed silent.

The sound of our breath was amplified in the quiet room. It was the dead of night, very early in the morning. How early exactly, I couldn't be sure. There's a surprising lack of clocks in the zones. Everyone gets up on their own terms, they leave on their own terms. Time is merely an illusion. It's the exact opposite of Battery City. Every corner you turn in that godless palace for the empty-minded has a clock. You can't go a second of the day without knowing the time.

I sat up slowly, being careful not to move the bed too much in case Jet had already fallen back asleep. I knew that it was hopeless for me to try and get some rest again. It's rare that I can wake up and easily go back to bed. I moved my legs off the side, my bare feet hitting the wood floor. When I stood, a voice sounded behind me.

"Where are you going?" Jet asked, and I turned my head to look at him.

His eyes were closed, but I knew his question was not one of sleep talking. "I'm just going to sit out there for a while. There's a lot on my mind."

A "hmm" sound was the only response I got. Turning, I walked to the door and opened it, stepping out into the narrow hallway. The guest bedroom's door was open, and I could hear Poison murmuring in their sleep. The house was silent and still. It felt wrong to be awake and walking around when everyone else was unaware of my movements. I shut the door behind me and made my way into the main room.

Cola was stretched out on the couch, his head propped up on the arm. His eyes were closed, and I didn't want to wake him just to talk about the past, present, and future. Taking in a deep breath, I made my way to the front door. My hand was on the handle, prepared to turn it. Then Cola spoke.

"Can't sleep?" he asked, and when I turned to look at him, his eyes were open.

"Something like that."

He moved his legs off of the couch, groaning as he lifted his head up. "Sit," he offered, his head nodding to the vacant space beside him. I hesitated for a moment, but decided that talking to him would be better than being in my own head. "What's on your mind?"

I sat down beside him and met his gaze, one of my eyebrows twitching upwards in question. "The impending doom of us all."

"Sounds thrilling."

I nodded once. "It can be."

Cola breathed a laugh, but quickly changed the conversation. "I can't believe how much you've grown up, Ghoul."

"What'd you mean?"

"Well," he paused to tuck his legs underneath him. "when I met you, you had different morals. You thought that your only mission was to find your family and keep yourself safe. You've grown up since then. Poison, Jet, Kobra - they've all become your family."

"How is that growing up?"

I could see a thin smile slip onto his face, and in the dim moonlight it was possible to recognize the look of amusement in his eyes. "You used to be shut off, would barely talk to anyone about your past and who you were before BL/IND got a hold of you. You've grown up, I can't explain it."

I kept silent, not wanting to add onto the conversation. I didn't think that I had grown up in the past few years. I'd just gotten stronger. I've forgotten how certain things used to feel, I've forgotten memories that once were the only things that kept me going. I've given up hope at times, but had barely enough strength to scrape by. Maybe that's what growing up was. Maybe I was more of a man than I had been in the past.

"Do you think it's ever going to be the same?" I asked him plainly, "Bat City, I mean. Do you think we're ever going to be able to go back safely?"

Cola seemed to hold his breath, but he shook his head. "It's too far gone. All that's known there is distributed happy pills and pornodroids. Even if Better Living Industries was burned to the ground, it's all that a lot of people know. They won't want a change."

"So you're saying you'd trade pornodroids for living happily in the city?"

"Hey now, don't twist my words." he waved a hand to dismiss what I had previously said. "The droids are great - more realistic than some of the girls out here. I wish that I didn't have to go to zone 1 for them, though. Have you ever seen one of those suckers lose power when they get too far from the city? It's even worse when they die out on you while you're in the middle of something."

I shook my head. "I've only been with a green, and that was once on the outskirts of Battery City. Wasn't all that great."

"That's because it was a green." he shook his head softly in disbelief. "The only thing they're good for is semi-realistic blow jobs. Only problem is that they don't like giving them. You didn't talk it into giving you one, did you?"

The amount of curiosity in his eyes were unbelievable. It made me wonder if it was that hard to try and get a pornodroid to give you some lip service. "No," I responded and Cola leaned back on the couch.

"You gotta experience it at least once, man." he took in a deep breath before continuing. "It's the best you can get, especially since not many people at The Pit actually enjoy giving them."

"I don't know, The Pit's got some pretty frisky characters."

"Maybe for you, but not everyone is willing to bend over backwards for a radio host they've never seen before."

I scoffed and shook my head. "You can take the fame, honestly."

Cola tiled his head. "Don't like being known by everyone?"

"Not when everyone only knows me for my backstory." Cola's eyes seemed to be begging me to continue. "I always get sympathy because I'm only known for my family dying and me being captured by BL/IND. I'm only seen as the guy with a tragic history who's trying to get back at the people who hurt him." I paused and looked down at my hands, "It's not worth it when the people you sleep with are only doing it to say they've had sex with one of the Fabulous Four. They treat me like some sort of award, like I'm a prize, and the person who can make me last the longest is the winner."

There was a couple seconds of silence and I could feel Cola looking at me. I raised my head back up and he spoke. "Let me ask you something," slowly, he moved his legs out from under him so his feet hit the floor. "When was the last time you had sex that you actually enjoyed? Like heart and soul, wanted more of it even after it was done?"

I didn't want to tell him the truth. The truth is that I hadn't experienced something like that since I was with my wife. Killjoys certainly know how to please a guy, I can't deny that, but it's a different feeling when you're with somebody that you love. There's more of a satisfaction when you cause pleasure for your partner. Somebody can moan my name all that they want but it's not going to have the same appeal as my wife whispering in my ear for me to quiet down.

"Probably two weeks ago." I lied, shrugging my shoulders. "There was this guy at The Pit that Mad Gear set me up with. Can't remember his name for the life of me, but he knew his way around."

The story wasn't an entire lie. The nameless guy was a real person, and Mad Gear had set me up with him after a show was over, but he wasn't the best at sex. In fact, he was one of the worst people I had ever been with. At first he had been incredibly into it, into me even, but as the minutes ticked on he just got worse and worse. We both got our fair share of pleasure, but the very last thing that he tried was what set the already-horrible reality in flames. Let's just say that I'm deeply sorry if he believes he's good at going down on someone.

"That's what I mean." Cola said, "You get a lot of people willing to throw themselves at you, but at least you're satisfied by it. Nobody wants to roll around with a radio host."

"But you're not bad looking." I contrasted, "Why wouldn't people want to sleep with you?"

He gave me a shrug. "They know me for my voice. I'm who they eat dinner to, who they fall asleep to. They don't know my face, so I'm not seen as important - even if I am good looking."

It made sense, I suppose. People knew of me, of the gang, because our faces are plastered all over the zones as well as Battery City. We're mentioned on the radio weekly, if not daily. We're seen as rebels, as a hope for killjoys, as a nuisance to Better Living Industries, as a successful band, as people others can look up to. Cola is a voice, and only a voice. He brings news to the zones, and that's the majority. As a whole, he's way more than that, but it's what he's seen as. Not many people know his face, but when he speaks, most question if it is him or not.

"I'll trade you satisfying sex for people only knowing your voice." I gave him a half smile, but then continued onto a different thought. "Everyone has something to complain about with their lives. It's just how it works."

Cola nodded. "You're right. Most of what there is to complain about is all the same, especially now. It's like everybody's individuality was lost after the Helium Wars."

"That's not what the zones are supposed to be, though."

I jumped slightly at the voice behind me. Turning my head to look at the hallway, I saw Poison leaning against the wall, their head pressed against it in a tired manner. They had just woken up by the looks of it, seeing how they were supporting major bed-head as well was being dressed in only a black t-shirt and boxers.

"Morning, sleepy head." Cola said as Poison took a seat in the chair opposite of us.

They let out an 'mmm' sound, bringing their legs up so their knees were pressed against their chest. "Wish I was still asleep." their voice was a sleepy murmur.

I almost agreed with him, but Cola spoke before I could say anything. "What got you up?" he moved to face them, his upper body turning.

"Kobra kept digging his elbows into my back." they raised their head to look at us, taking in a deep breath. "He hasn't done that in years.... There's probably something on his mind."

For a split second I couldn't help but wonder if there was something on Kobra's mind. It made me wonder if he had a dream similar to the one that I had. Maybe he saw me dying, or saw me being held back while he died. It was unlikely, but just the chance of us dreaming the same thing gave me a sense of satisfaction.

"It doesn't matter, though." Poison brought his legs back down so his feet hit the floor. "I'm awake now. There's no way I'm going back to sleep."

Cola stood up from the couch and took a couple of steps towards the hallway. Turning, he looked at Poison, and then at me. "Do either of you want any coffee? I mean, if we're going to stay up, we might as well be alert."

I shook my head in response. I wanted coffee, yes, but not whatever it was that Cola and Dr. D brewed. It tasted like sand, and even had a sandy texture. It's easy to believe that it actually is sand and that they just run hot water over it. 

Poison nodded though, agreeing to a cup of sand coffee. "Yeah, I'll take a cup."

Cola turned back around to head down the hallway towards the back room. I met Poison's gaze and took in a slow breath. I had a question to ask them, but I didn't know how to bring it up without seeming like I was planning something. I had to mention it, though. Kobra would kill me if I didn't ask.

"Do you think we could stay another night?" my voice was even and calm. I silently hoped that they wouldn't ask why.

They tilted their head sideways in confusion. "You never want to stay longer."

"It just doesn't feel right to leave yet." I kept thinking about Kobra and how I had told him that I would try to talk his sibling into staying just one night longer. I didn't promise him anything, but there wasn't any doubt that he was expecting me to work some kind of magic. "I feel like there's something that's going to happen. I just don't want us to get caught up in anything right now."

"Ghoul, we can't stay here just because you have a hunch that something bad might happen." Poison didn't move an inch, but continued to watch me through tired eyes. "Besides, our entire lives are based around getting caught up in things. Maybe it will cause something good."

"But what if it doesn't?" My argument was useless. I didn't have an actual feeling that something was going to happen. I didn't have any real support for wanting to stay besides Kobra asking me, and I couldn't mention that since Poison is used to their brother wanting to stay with Cola and Dr. D. "If something happens, if... if one of us dies, I would blame -"

"No one is going to die." They began to take on an agitated tone, and I quickly realized that I wasn't going to win. "I was planning to stop at The Pit later tonight, maybe play a set if the crowd is up for it. I get that you might feel safe here because it feels like an actual home. Kobra acts the same way, but we can't stay here any longer than we have to. Word will get out that we're here, things spread fast in the zones. Do you have any idea of how many people are willing to turn us in for a reward? We can't stay in one place."

"It's only one more night, though."

"We're not staying."

The floorboards creaked and I turned my head to look at the hallway. Cola was standing in the door frame, two cups of coffee in his hands. He walked over to Poison and handed them their cup, and then came back to sit next to me on the couch. I gave Poison a quick half-smile to conclude our conversation. There wasn't going to be a way that I could change their mind.

Cola blew on the top of his coffee, trying to cool it down. "What'd I miss?" he asked, raising the cup to his lips but holding off from drinking it just yet.

I shrugged, "Not much. Just started to go over a potential set for The Pit later tonight."

"You're thinking about playing tonight?" Cola raised his eyebrows and took a sip of his coffee. "It'd be a wild show, that's for sure."

"Why's that?" Poison was sitting with their foot resting on their knee, their hands wrapped around their coffee while it sat close to their stomach.

Cola lowered his cup. "Mad Gear and Missile Kid are supposed to be there tonight. A newbie is putting on one of their first shows, too. Goes by Killer King or something like that. It's supposed to be a hell of a time."

"We'll have to see what time we get there." Poison paused, almost as if they were calculating how long it took to get to The Pit. "If we don't make it for the actual concert, we can always head to the after party. I haven't had booze in a while."

Cola breathed out a laugh. "You don't buy out Tommy's shop anymore?"

They shook their head. "I think he's being bought out by BL/IND. It started tasting medicated so I dropped it."

"The Pit's still got their fair share of home made liquor. It's not the best but it will get you hammered for sure." Cola raised his cup back up to his lips to take another swallow of coffee.

Playing at The Pit tonight would make a lot of things settle out. It seems like every time that I walk up on stage in front of hundreds of people my worries go away. If we show up unannounced, too, everyone would lose their shit. We haven't played a gig there in a while, and with the excitement for Mad Gear and Missile Kid already building it would make our set worth playing. Even if we didn't actually get to play a set, the after party would be thrilling. The last time I had an actual drink was months ago and it wasn't good enough to be memorable. We only stayed for the after party for Poison and I, though, so it was always debatable if we should even go. Normally Jet stayed with Kobra away from all of the madness - since neither of them drank. It made me feel bad for them having to look over both of us in our drunken state. We weren't horrible, but there's no doubt that we've both said things that we're not proud of.

"We'll have to talk to Kobra and Jet." Poison looked at me as they spoke. Their eyes were bright with anticipation for what might come later tonight. "You're cool with it, though, right?"

I nodded and they took their first sip of coffee, the corner of their mouth twinging in disgust. I couldn't blame them - it must taste gritty. The three of us sat in silence for a few minutes. Cola and Poison brought their cups to their mouths every now and then, and I kept my eyes fixed on the window near the door. It was covered by a sheer curtain, but the cloth was thin enough to see outlines through. I was locked onto the car, almost hypnotized by the spider design on the hood. It's amazing to think about how many miles that it's taken us through the zones. The same roads, the same places, the same people... one car knows it all. 

Cola let out a sigh. "Dr. D's about to put on the first show for today if you're interested in being guests."

Both Poison and I turned our heads to look at him. "Isn't it a bit early for the first show?" I asked, thinking about how many young killjoys would be upset if they missed a show with two of the Fabulous Four. "Is anyone even awake?"

"You'd be surprised with how many people tune into the early-bird static." Cola paused to drink his coffee. "They can't sleep so they turn on the radio. A lot of call-in's are from around this time."

I caught Poison's eyes and they shrugged softly. "I'm up for it."

I nodded in agreement. "Yeah, it's been awhile since I've made a guest appearance."

Cola began to stand and we followed him, walking down the hallway to where the recording studio was. Dr. D was already sitting behind the desk with headphones around his neck, his hand on a sound board in front of him while his fingers pushed levers up and down. He looked up when the three of us came in and a smile appeared on his face.

"Welcome back, zone rats." he said and pointed to the seats directly in front of the desk. "Have a seat if you're a guest on the air."

Poison went for a chair first, crossing their legs the second that they were sitting down. I took the last available chair, looking at Dr. D for instructions on how he wanted us to talk. His morning show didn't have much structure. It was normally just him talking with maybe one or two songs in between, but whenever we were guests it seemed like he had a very detailed layout of what he wanted to do. Stories of our time in the zones, questions from listeners, stories from playing at The Pit, occasional mentions from when we once lived in Battery City... I couldn't help but wonder what he was going to have in store for us.

Cola leaned against the wall behind Dr. D, his arms crossed over his chest. Dr. D brought his hand away from the soundboard and leaned back in his wheelchair. "We're going to take some callers, answer some questions, maybe tell a few stories. That alright with you two?" Poison and I nodded in unison. "Alright." the word was drawn out and slightly exaggerated. He raised the headphones around his neck to bring them up over his ears, and he gestured to a microphone on the table sitting between Poison and I. "You know the drill - talk normally, no need to lean." the way that Dr. D was in a professional setting was much different than from when he was out from behind the table. He was a lot more serious, which was strange, but it wasn't horrible. "You're about to go live..." he hit a switch to turn off the music, and a red light came on to signal that their voice could be heard. "We've got a special surprise for you killjoys out there this morning. Taking your calls and answering your questions, Party Poison and Fun Ghoul are hot on the line. How are you two, by the way?"

"I'm good," Poison said enthusiastically, nodding even though they can't be seen.

"Tired." I responded, taking in a deep breath.

Dr. D laughed softly. "I'm not surprised about that. Why don't we take a call to get this started." his hand hit a button and a soft sound of static came through. "You're live on air, what's your name?"

There was a muffled squealing, and then a slightly high-pitched voice. "My name's Riott - spelled with two T's."

"Well, Riott with two T's, we're glad to have your call." Dr. D glanced up at me unenthusiastically and I had to withhold from laughing. "What's your question for Fun Ghoul and Party Poison?"

There was another voice in the background of the phone call, most likely a friend of Riott's. "I... We want to know when's the next time you're playing at The Pit is."

I looked at Poison and they opened their mouth slightly, hesitating to speak. It was almost as if they were deciding on saying that we might play later that day. A couple seconds passed before they answered, "Soon. Really soon, actually. If you're a regular there you'll definitely see us."

"Is Jet Star going to be there?" it was a different voice this time. My guess is that it's the friend of Riott previously heard in the background. 

"He should be." I spoke up, "The only reason he wouldn't be there is if something bad happened, but none of us would show if that was the case."

Dr. D leaned back in his chair, his hand grasped around his microphone to bring it closer. "Now, when was the last time you four came into a clap with something nasty?" 

Poison made a clicking sound. "Hasn't been for a while." they turned their head to look at me, "I think the last time was when we were walking the zones and you almost got bit by that snake, right Ghoul?"

I laughed softly, shaking my head. "It was a huge snake, I -"

"It was like four inches long." Poison interrupted me. "It was a garden snake or something. I don't know how it found it's way into the zones."

"You can't let me look cool at least once, can you?" I gave them a sideways glance and they laughed. "This thing was a viper, something nasty. Huge fangs, nearly two feet long."

Poison's words came out breathy at first since they continued to laugh while they spoke. "I found this garden snake off of Route Guano when we stopped for a lunch break. Cute little green guy, but I knew that Ghoul would flip if he saw it."

"Now, Ghoul, are you afraid of snakes?" Dr. D raised an eyebrow curiously.

"I wouldn't call it a fear." I said, trying to reason with myself. "It's more of a slight disliking."

"He's terrified." Poison leaned forward in their seat, their elbows resting on their knees. "I picked it up, though, and carried it in my hands over to him. I put it on his shoulder before he knew what was going on, and when he turned his head he screamed louder than I had ever heard."

I shook my head softly. "I didn't scream - it was more of a shriek."

"I don't know your definition of screaming," Dr. Dr tilted his head sideways. "but I'm fairly certain that 'shriek' is a synonym for it."

"Show me a non-BL/IND approved thesaurus that says that and I'll believe you." I didn't truly believe that Dr. D was lying. There was no doubt in my mind that shrieking and screaming we practically the same. I just didn't want to admit to the hundreds of listeners that snakes were a fear of mine.

Dr. D leaned forward, sitting back into a regular position. "I'll make sure to make a note of it." he responded, "Big thanks to Riott and their friend for calling in," his fingers pressed a button and a light lit up. "but now's the time for one last caller before we pump out some jams. You're live on air, what's your name?"

"Nightmare Static." The voice was deep, almost rough sounding. It wasn't intimidating, no. If anything it sounded like they smoked one too many cigarettes and happened to have a cold.

"Sick name," Poison muttered under their breath.

Dr. D ignored their comment, or didn't hear what they had said. "What's on your mind for half of the Fab Four?"

"I uh... I've heard a lot of rumors - well, we all have - about Poison and Ghoul." Nightmare Static paused and I wasn't exactly sure where their question was going. I glanced at Poison to see if they had any reaction yet, but they were only looking straight ahead. "I was wondering what your motives are to keep being killjoys? Like why do you two stay out in the zones?"

Poison turned their head to look at me, their head tilted sideways slightly. I knew that they were inviting me to speak first, but I didn't know exactly what to say. I felt as if I've put my entire life out there into the world. It seemed nearly irrelevant to repeat what I've said a thousand times.

"My family's what keeps me going." I said, looking away from Poison and directing my gaze onto the mic between us. "Right after the Helium Wars a lot of stuff went down with Better Living Industry. Things started to go haywire and my family were about to leave for the zones. I had three kids - two girls, one boy. My girls got shot down in front of me by a drac, my wife and son were taken and I still don't know if they're alive or not." A hand touched my shoulder and I turned to see Poison mouth the words 'you don't have to talk about it'. I gave them a small wave to brush off their attempt to stop me. It wasn't like I was speaking in full detail. "But to answer your question," I looked back at the mic. "I stay out in the zones for my wife and son. They're still out there, somewhere, even if it's with BL/IND. So, uh, yeah."

"What about you, Poison?" Dr. D prompted the killjoy beside me. "What makes you stay out in the desert?"

There was no hesitation in their answer. "My brother, our parents. Like Ghoul said; things went haywire after the Helium Wars, so I gotta stay out here for Kobra. Neither one of us can go back to Battery City. Not now, not ever... our parents wouldn't want us to, anyway. It's too risky."

I glanced over at them, but their eyes were kept on Dr. D. It seemed as if Poison was opening up more about their past. It used to be that I knew very little about the situation they were raised in, what their parents were like and if they had any other family members. These past few days I've heard more about what their old life was like than I had in the last three years.

My eyes shifted down to the floor. We were all moving on in some way or another. Our pasts were still our pasts, but they no longer affected us in the same demeaning way they used to. Poison had began to talk about their parents more. Kobra was still closed off about the subject, but you could tell that he was beginning to get a lighter heart towards it. Jet had never been one to talk about his past, but if you asked him he would happily tell you his entire life story. As for me, I'm still haunted by the echo of my family's voices. I can hear them if I concentrate. I can feel their presence if I focus. I dream about them every night, I can still feel the needles that BL/IND officials slid underneath my skin. My past is ever present in my mind, but I can talk about it now. There are parts of my history that no longer affect me as much as they used to, and that's what terrifies me the most. I feel as if it's all slipping away from me. It's all still there. The memories are still there - but I'm moving on.

I blinked and my mind snapped back into reality. My eyes were still fixed on the floor, but I could hear Dr. D talking to another killjoy that had called in. I wasn't focusing on the words being said. I could feel people's eyes boring into my skull. They were all looking at me. Waiting for a response of some sort, waiting to see what I would do next. Poison, Cola, Dr. D.... they were all waiting for me to do something. I clenched my jaw tightly and squeezed my eyes shut, wishing for it to all go away. Opening my eyes, I pushed my chair away from the desk and stood.

"Excuse me," I hissed quietly, turning to exit the recording room and beginning to walk down the hallway towards the front of the house.

About halfway down the hallway, a door to my left opened and I was forced to stop walking. I stood in front of Kobra Kid, who was barely awake. His hair was a mess, his eyes half-closed as he looked down at me.

"Sorry," he mumbled, shuffling to get out of my way.

I didn't move forward, though. I continued to stare up at him in the darkness, "Can I talk to you?" I asked, my eyes unmoving.

His eyebrows furrowed together and he brought a hand up to his face, rubbing at his eyes in an attempt to wake himself up. "Yeah,"

I grabbed his hand in mine and began to walk him down the hallway, keeping a steady pace since Kobra had just woken up. He stayed silent as we made it into the main room, but when my hand reached for the knob to the front door, he spoke up.

"Do we really have to go outside to talk?"

I let go of his hand and turned around, the door maybe an inch open as I looked at him. "I don't want to talk about my family in front of everybody."

He nodded apologetically and took a half step towards me. I opened the door the rest of the way and stepped out into the desert. The cool night air hit my skin and I quickly realized how underdressed I was. The only clothing on my body were a pair of black jeans; everything else had been abandoned at bedside when I had slept earlier. Kobra, however, had everything but shoes on. Sand slid in between my toes as I walked towards the Trans Am and I regretting not wearing at least socks.

I turned to lean against the hood of the car, facing Kobra as I spoke. "I really hate not knowing if they're alive or not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for how long this chapter took to write, and I apologize ahead of time for however long the next one may take. My life's been wild recently, but just know that Dreaming or Dead is always a thought in my mind!! Thank you all so much for reading


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for this chapter: there is violence and mention of blood, as well as wounds/cuts

Kobra stared at me, not responding to what I had said. It made me wonder if he didn't know how to respond, or if he hadn't heard what I had told him. I crossed my arms over my bare chest, trying to shield myself from the cold as I waited for him to say something. It took a couple of seconds, but he walked towards me to sit on the hood of the Trans Am as well, our bodies only a couple of inches apart. 

"Nobody likes not knowing if their family is dead or alive." he tilted his head upwards to look at the stars. "If Poison and I ever got separated again, I think it would kill one of us."

I turned my head to look at him, his head still upwards to the sky. "Why would it kill one of you?"

He let out a small breath of air and brought his head back down, turning to look at me. "We've had each other for so long. We've been separated before but it's different now." Kobra looked down at his hands, avoiding eye contact with me. "This gang is our family, you and Jet Star are like brothers to us, but we're actually siblings. We've known each other since we were kids. You can't easily lose something like that."

I nodded, knowing what he was talking about. "Jamia - my wife - we knew each other since we were kids. It was surreal when we had our own kids. It was like getting to raise something that reminded me of her, but also of myself and of my parents." I turned to look at the house in front of us. "When I lost them..." a small lump in my throat formed, but I swallowed it down, "When my daughters died... I felt like I was the worst father in the world. Then Jamia and Miles were taken, and I still don't know where they are. Having to relive the moment that I saw them die, and having to constantly wonder if my wife and son are alive is worse than anything Better Living Industries could ever do to me."

I could see Kobra turn his head to look at me, but I didn't reciprocate. Instead, I continued to stare at the house. None of the lights were on, at least not in the main room. It was quiet; you couldn't hear anything that might have been said inside. It was peaceful. The moonlight was starting to dissipate, but the sun had yet to begin to rise. The desert was warming up slowly in temperature, but not quick enough to where the cool air didn't make me shiver slightly.

"What if they're not the same, though?" Kobra asked, blinking. 

I looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, what if they've changed? Your wife and son - what if BL/IND's changed them and they're not the same, but they're still alive."

"As long as they're alive then I'm fine." My mind flashed back to the dream I had earlier. Kobra gasping for air, Jamia shooting him as a punishment for me, the blood pooling on the white floor, the thin line of blood coming my way. I took in a deep breath to try and clear myself of the memory. "Jamia's strong-willed - Miles is too. They'd both put up a fight before they let anything bad happen to themselves."

Kobra gave me a half smile, nodding softly. "How old was he?" his voice was calm, almost as if he was hesitant to ask the question. "You son, I mean. How old was he when you last saw him?"

I had to count back the years. Even then, I wasn't exactly sure. Three, maybe four years out in the zones. Possibly two, I didn't know. That had to put Miles at being eight now, at the most. "He was four, maybe five."

"He was your youngest, right?" I nodded in response to the question. "What's it like to have a son?"

The question wasn't something I had been expecting, so I didn't exactly know how to answer. I kept silent for a couple of seconds, my mouth parted as I searched for words. "It's different than what you'd expect. I thought he'd be exactly like me since he's a boy, you know? I thought that there was going to be this sacred bond that made sure father and son were alike, but that's not how it is at all." I uncrossed my arms and placed my hands in my lap, exposing more of my skin to the air. "That's not how any kid is, really. You have to remember that they're a mix of not only you, but your partner as well. Plus they're their own person, which adds an entire new personality on top of it all. I guess having a son is like having a smaller version of yourself, but every now and then you have to laugh because they say something that you would say." a smile spread across my face, but I bit my lip in an attempt to hide it. "Kids are kids, though. There's not much of a difference from having a son or a daughter."

Kobra looked away from me, his eyes fixed on the house. His arms had crossed over his stomach loosely, and it seemed as if something was on his mind. He wasn't much of a person to talk about his feelings, especially if he didn't know how to express them, but I could tell that something was going on that he wasn't talking about.

"Do you ever want to have kids?" I asked him, looking at his eyes that continued to avoid me.

He became still. His chest stopped moving, so he was holding his breath. He shook his head, continuing to be fixed on the house. "Never. At least not my own." he blinked, "It's hard enough accepting my body as it is - adding a nine month pregnancy on top of it would wreck me."

"They don't have to be yours biologically." I tilted my head to the side, trying to get him to look at me. "There's plenty of single-parent killjoys out there that'd love to have you be a dad to their kid. There's also kids who don't have parents anymore just waiting to be adopted by someone. If you want kids, there's always alternatives to the traditional way."

Kobra shook his head again, this time looking down at his lap. His hands were now bunched into loose fists. "It's not that easy, Ghoul." his voice was shaky, like he was about to cry, but he kept his composure. "I have to find someone that thinks I'm more than just part of the Fabulous Four. They have to see past that I'm Party Poison's brother, and that I'm transgender, and that I'm asexual and will never want to have sex. I'm not like you. I'm not so good looking that everyone is willing to throw themselves at me. I'm not strong or funny or anything like that. I have baggage that nobody wants to touch. I'm not... I'm not going to find someone, and I'm not going to have kids. That's just the way it is, no matter what I want."

"Kobra," I kept my voice even and soft. I didn't want to upset him more than he already was. "If you want a partner - if you want a child - it will happen some way or another. You're better than you think you are. You don't think you're strong, but you're the strongest person I know. Physically, maybe not, but mentally, I know that you can outlast any of us in a time of stress. Everyone has baggage. Literally everybody has something about them that they don't like, or something from their past that they wish would disappear. You're going to find someone that will fall in love with you because you're you."

His hands uncurled from their fists and he brought his head up to look at me. His eyes were rimmed with tears, but they hadn't fallen. "What if I've already fallen in love with somebody, but they don't love me back?"

The way he spoke the last sentence was heart breaking. It sounded as if he truly did love whoever he was talking about. He had already put his heart and soul into trying to make a relationship work, but this person has disregarded every attempt that's been made. I smiled slightly, the corners of my mouth coming upwards. I stared at his eyes before responding, making sure that I knew exactly what I was about to say before I said it. "Don't give up hope." I told him, "Hope is all that any of us have out here in the zones. If you give it up, there's nothing left to live for. I still have hope in my family, and I have hope that you'll find someone that you can call yours forever." I brought my arm up to sling it across his shoulders, bringing him closer to me so his chest was pressed against my side. My head turned to look back towards the house. "That person's crazy if they don't love you back. You're too good of a guy to pass up."

I could feel his shoulder move as he breathed out a laugh. Kobra brought his left arm out from between us and snaked it around my bare back, his hand resting on my hip. The sides of our heads were pressed together, and he brought his free hand up to his face to try and rub away the tears that had formed. 

The day in the zones had begun while we were outside talking. The sun had begun to filter through the night clouds, creating a wide spread of orange and pinks across the sky. The lights in the main room of Cola and Dr. D's house had been cut on, and voices could now be heard. The conversations were indistinguishable, but the murmur of voices were more than enough to tell that everyone was awake. I saw a curtain covering one of the windows move, but the person who had moved it to look out could not be seen.

I took my arm away from Kobra and he sat back up straight. "Why don't we go inside?" I suggested, sliding off the hood of the car and turning to face him. He nodded once and stood, beginning to walk beside me back towards the house.

When we stepped inside of the house, all eyes were on us. Cola and Poison were sitting on the couch, a cup of coffee in both of their hands. Jet sat in the armchair opposite of them, and Dr. D sat in the front of the hallway, his wheelchair facing us. 

Jet's eyes scanned me, a questioning eyebrow being raised due to my appearance, but he didn't comment. Poison was the first to speak up,"You two alright?" they asked, bringing their cup of coffee away from their face.

Kobra shut the door and walked towards Jet, sitting down on the floor cross-legged. I nodded to Poison, and took a couple steps towards the hallway. "Yeah, everything's great."

Dr. D moved his chair so that I could get into the hallway. Slipping past him, I walked down the barely-lit corridor to the room that I had previously been staying in. The door had been left open by Jet, so I flipped on the light when I stepped in and closed to the door behind me. My clothes were still left in a pile by the bed, strewn carelessly but still in a strategic way. 

I picked up my black and yellow shirt, shaking any loose sand from it before bringing it up over my head and pulling it over my body. It was still grainy, but it wasn't anything I wasn't used to. My vest was close to where the shirt had been, so I snatched it up and brought it over my shoulders. My socks had been stuffed inside of my boots in an attempt to keep any desert critters out of them, but I've personally proven that doing this doesn't exactly help anything. Regardless, I sit down on the side of the bed to pull my socks on, and before I put my boots on, I shake them upside down for a precaution of getting bitten by a spider or something of the sort.

I took a small glance around the room before standing, making sure that I wasn't going to leave anything behind. Silently I decided that I had gotten everything and made my way to the door, opening it to find Kobra coming out from the spare room he had been saying in.

"You get everything?" I asked him casually, moving my hand to turn off the light in the room I was about to exit. 

"Did you not talk to them about staying longer?" he asked me in a soft voice, trying to keep our conversation as private as possible.

I looked at him, confused. "What're you talking about?" I shut the door behind me, stepping out into the hallway, becoming closer to him.

"Poison," his eyes flickered out to the main room, but then settled back onto me. "You said that you would talk to them about saying for another night or two. Did you not do that?"

"They wouldn't listen to me." I took a step back towards the main room, but I was still facing him. "I tried my best, Kobra."

He nodded and began to follow me out towards the main room. "I get it." his voice sounded annoyed, but not enough to where it would be a problem between us. He wanted to stay longer, I understood, and I knew that if I apologize it would just make him more irritated with having to leave.

Poison had moved from the couch and was now standing next to the door, their empty coffee cup hanging off of their fingers. "You guys ready to head out?" they asked, looking at Jet first and then scanning over to Kobra and me. Kobra shrugged, and Jet stood. I locked eyes with Poison, but they didn't say anything to me directly. "Good to know that you guys are enthusiastic," they murmured walking over to Cola to pass off their empty cup. "It was nice seeing you again. You too, Dr. D." Poison looked at the man sitting beside me, and Dr. D nodded in agreement.

"You four have to come out sooner next time." Cola sat his and Poison's mugs on the floor, and then stood up. "It was way too long since the last visit."

Poison breathed out a laugh. "Yeah, we'll try not to stay away as long as we did."

We all had begun to say our goodbyes to Cola and Dr. D, making our way in an odd circle to give out handshakes and hugs. There was a minimum amount of small talk, but most of it was variations of "see you later". Jet had started to make his way to the front door, Poison following close behind him. Kobra was still talking to Cola, both of their voices fairly low in comparison to how the rest of us had been talking. I hesitated on walking out the door, trying to pick up on at least a sliver of their conversation.

His voice was muffled by the shoulder of a jacket, but I could hear Cola say, "Be safe out there, Kid. I don't want to hear about you getting dusted."

Kobra pulled back on the hug, and I took a couple of steps closer to the door. "You don't have to worry about that. I've got him to protect me." his voice raised into a normal tone. "Right, Ghoul?"

I turned my body to face him, letting out a nonchalant, "Hmm?" sound as my hand reached for the pocket on my jacket. I fumbled around with it found a second before it unbuttoned and I was able to pull the carton of cigarettes out. "Yeah, sure," I responded, making it sound like I hadn't been listening to their conversation. I pulled a stick out of the pack and placed it, unlit, between my lips. 

Cola shook his head softly, barely enough to notice. "I'll see you guys around. Keep safe," he added the last part almost as an after thought, and went to turn back to the couch.

I waved a small goodbye and walked out the door, hearing Kobra shut it behind us as we made our way to the Trans Am. I brought my fingers up to my mouth, taking the cigarette out when I climbed into the back seat. 

"Gotta light?" I asked.

Poison moved in their seat in order to place their hand into their front jean pocket. Their fingers worked to get a box-shaped figure out of their pocket. When the item showed, it was silver with streaks of black. The streaks were unintentional - just the result of years out in the zones. They handed the lighter to me and I took it from their hands. 

Flipping it open, I ignited the flame and lit my cigarette while Poison began to drive away from the house. Inhaling a long drag, I held my breath before letting it out. The smell of smoke filled the inside of the car, and I moved my hand to roll down the window beside me before it became overbearing.

When I handed the lighter back to Poison, they spoke. "What happened to yours?"

I shrugged, pressing my back against the seat. "Lost it somewhere in zone three. Not a big deal, I'll find another."

My last lighter had been one that I picked up while walking the zones. It was pretty new, one that BL/IND gave out to anyone that smoked. It had their logo on one side of it, but on the other side someone had written "I HEART DICK" in magic marker. It was an iconic find, I couldn't leave it behind. Besides, I needed a new lighter and I knew if I didn't take it then I would be out of luck for a while. It was an item that I kept to myself for a while, but eventually Jet saw it and questioned what I had written on it. When I told him, I had to explain that I had found it that way, but a part of me thinks he didn't believe me.-* 

"Hey guys," Kobra was looking out the window as he spoke. "I spy with my little eye something tan."

There was a slight pause and I almost let out a chuckle. There was a sigh from the front of the car before I could say anything, and then Poison spoke. "Is it sand?"

Kobra nodded. "Yeah, it's sand."

"You can't play that game out here. What else are you going to see?" I cocked my head sideways and looked at him.

He turned away from the window and his eyes met mine. "I don't know, there might be a road sign or something."

"There's always the sky." Jet added.

Kobra pointed to Jet, and nodded. "Yeah, see? Jet gets it."

I smiled in defeat, giving up on my case. Kobra just wanted to have some fun, I couldn't blame him. If trying to start a game was what kept him from boredom, then so be it. The car fell silent in a matter of seconds, and Poison turned up the radio to fill the gap. It was a song that I hadn't heard before - most likely from an up-and-coming killjoy. By the four of us cutting back on going to The Pit, I've realized that there has been quite a bit of musical artists I've never heard before. It used to be that I at least recognized the names of the bands, but now it's all too much to keep track of. Domination of the Zone Field, Delicious Truth, Satin Delirium... none of them sounded familiar. They weren't bad, I had to admit, but it was a little strange hearing about these people from the radio instead of live in front of you.

I took in another drag of my cigarette, watching as the smoke curled its way out the window. The desert outside of the window began to slow down progressively, and I turned to look forward when I realized that Poison was beginning to stop the car. I had opened my mouth to speak, but they spoke before me. 

"Do they look lost to you guys?" they asked, gesturing to the road in front of us.

I moved in order to see through the windshield more properly. In the distance there was someone standing in the middle of the road, one hand on their hip while they lean their weight on a baseball bat pressed firmly into the asphalt by their other hand. Their platinum hair contrasted with their dark skin, and even with it tied back into a high ponytail, the difference was very noticeable. Their outfit consisted of blue jean shorts and a white tank top. As we pulled up closer, I could see that their skin was dusted in a thin layer of dirt and grime. They had been zone hopping for quite some time.

"They don't exactly look in the best shape." Jet stated, leaning forward in his seat.

Poison stopped the car about twenty feet in front of them and turned sideways to make sure that Kobra and I heard what they were about to say. "Don't get out of the car unless things start to get messy, alright? I don't want them to be overwhelmed by a lot of people." Kobra nodded softly, and I mimicked his movement. Jet quickly followed, and then continued to look at the person standing in the road. "Okay," Poison moved to open the car door, their feet hitting the road, and they shut the door behind them. The person stood unmoving in the same position, but it seemed like a smirk had drifted onto their face as Poison approached them. Although the car door was shut, I could still hear the conversation between them. "Hey, are you alright?"

There wasn't a response. Instead, they took their weight off of the bat, and swung it behind their neck. Their arms held it in place.

Poison seemed to take a step backwards when the killjoy moved, but Poison stayed standing their ground. "I don't mean any disrespect, but if you need help we're willing to offer support."

A wide grin spread across their face, revealing shiny white teeth. A light-hearted giggled laced with venom bubbled up from their chest. I could feel my heart sink, but I had no reason for it to. The vibe coming off of this crash queen wasn't a positive one, but Poison had directed us to stay in the car. I raised the cigarette to the lips in anticipation.

Their voice was chilling. "You're going to be the one who needs support, kiddo."

In one swift motion, they removed their bat from behind their head, gripping it tightly in their hands. It wasn't even a matter of seconds - it was milliseconds after their hands grasped the bat that it swung downward and hit Poison's side with a distinctive _crack_. 

Poison immediately screamed out. The force of the blow was enough to knock them down to the ground, their hand lightly touching where they had been hit as they gasped for air, crying out in pain with every breath. The feeling in my chest grew stronger, and I knew that I should have jumped out of the car to help them, but I was frozen in fear. I couldn't move. 

"Poison!" Kobra screamed beside me, throwing his door open and running out into the desert sun. Jet quickly followed, but I stayed put, completely shocked by the situation. "Don't touch them!" Kobra yelled, almost sprinting up to their sibling's side.

The killjoy's head tilted sideways, and they lowered their bat back down onto the asphalt, leaning against it as a crutch like they were previously doing. "Oh, so this is a gang, huh?" I could still hear Poison yelling out, no words being formed, just pure pain. "Looks like this is a job for more than one of us."

I couldn't tell you where they came from. Some emerged from bushes off the side of the road, some seemed to appear out of thin air, but there was no doubt that we were now faced with four other zone rats, five in total. I could see Jet look behind him, our eyes meeting. He seemed to be begging me to get out of the car. I snapped out of my daze and opened the door, closing it quickly and running up to Jet's side. I dropped my cigarette onto the ground without much thought, crushing the smoldering bud with the toe of my boot.

A rather short, deeply dark-skinned person appeared behind the first killjoy. Together, they were quite a contrast, but they looked like they belonged together. The more feminine figure had long hair, and was more of a light-skinned caramel color, whereas the shorter masculine figure had close cropped hair and dark ebony skin. The shorter one took on a defensive stance, but tilted their head upwards to whisper something to the apparent ringleader. They shook their head in a silent response.

Two of the other three killjoys in the gang were very apparent people of color. The other one was unmistakably white, their striking red-orange hair blinding in the sun. They were all dressed in tattered clothing, but not to the point where it looked like they were in need of help. No, it looked like these people were always fighting, always running, and always winning.

I could see Poison move on the ground, but they let out a gasp of pain, halting in attempts to situate themselves. I glanced down at them, taking in their current state. They had been hurt pretty badly if they couldn't even stand. Poison was strong, and they weren't someone to just back down from something especially once attacked. Even if the strike had been simple, it caused serious and immediate damage.

The killjoy with platinum hair locked eyes with me and grinned. "You four don't know your place in the zones, do you?"

The line sent chills down my spine. I quickly looked at Kobra and yelled, "Get them into the backseat!"

Kobra almost instantly dropped down to their sibling's side, picking them up off of the ground despite the cries of protest. I knew that what was about to happen wouldn't be pretty, and having Poison lying in the middle of it wouldn't make anything better. I watched as Kobra began to drag Poison into the car, keeping my eyes on the two of them for a couple of seconds.

My shoulder was roughly shoved and I turned to look back at where the second killjoy gang had been. The redhead was staring at me, their body language filled with aggression. Their eyes, however, told a different story. I could tell that this wasn't where their heart was. They didn't want to fight - not like this. My best guess is that they needed to join a gang to survive, and in order to stay with this one, they needed to fight as much as they possibly could. I held my arm up to defend a jab, and then took a step backwards. 

Even if the want to not fight was true, they didn't show it. Their full intention was to kill, or at the very least to maim. They came at me again, throwing their entire body at me when their fist came my way. I ducked, dodging their shot. I had never been good at fist fights. I had never been good at fighting. I didn't want to fight them, especially if neither of us had weapons. My hand reached downward to my thigh in hopes to grab my gun, but the holster was empty. My mind went blank and I let out a small breath of air. I had always been a better shot with a laser gun than I was with a fist. I locked eyes with the red head, and when they realized I had been looking for a gun, their hand reached into their pocket.

A scream echoed out from behind me. It was filled with pain, and I had to go against every instinct in my body that told me to turn around. It had been from Jet, I know that for sure. I wanted to see how bad off he was, but I couldn't turn away from my attacker. 

They pulled a switchblade out from their pocket. My heart sank as the blade glistened in to sunlight. There was no way I was going to get out of this injury-free. Half of my gang had already been hurt, and if Kobra was going up against someone similar to who I was, there wasn't a doubt that we would all have some type of injury. I clenched my jaw and prepared myself for the first attack.

They sprinted towards me, closing the short distance between us. Their arm came back and I tried to dodge the path their knife would take, but there was no use. Not having a weapon or anything to defend myself put me at the losing end of this battle. Their arm came down and I could feel the searing pain of metal against my skin. The sharp blade cut deep, and I backed away as quickly as possible. I could taste blood in my mouth, and I spit on the ground. A dark, bubbly puddle formed on the asphalt. I could feel liquid dripping down my jaw and onto my neck. The pain on my cheek was ever prevalent but I tried my best to ignore it. There wasn't anything I could do about it right now.

The red head came at me again. This time the switchblade was aimed towards my stomach. I put my hands out, knowing that I would rather have sliced palms than sliced internal organs. The blade hit my fingers first, cutting across at least four of them before coming down and going across my palms. I tried to grab the blade in attempt to get the knife away from them, but it resulted in an injury far more serious than I needed to have. I gasped in agony, pulling away from blade. I glanced at my hands. Blood was pooling in the palms and dripping off of the fingers, but I shook them hard once, splattering it across the road.

"You're going to have to do better than that." I taunted them, smirking as I spit out another mouthful of blood.

I knew that my previous statement shouldn't have been said. They let out a small yell as they came at me again, their switchblade gripped tightly in their hands. I heard a breathy scream from behind me and my eyes grew wide. I turned to see what had happened, abandoning my entire tactic of keeping my eyes on my attacker. I saw Kobra clutching his side right before another burning sensation was on my face. I turned back to the red head and shoved them away from me, their knife cutting my forearm in the process. There was more blood dripping onto the road than I would have liked to see, but there was no way that I could've made it better. 

With Poison out of luck in the backseat, I knew that we wouldn't stop until someone raised the white flag. I backed up slowly, holding my hands out in front of me to show any form of mercy. Jet was close behind me, at least in ear shot, so I knew that if I said anything he would easily hear it.

"Get into the car!" I yelled, glancing sideways to see if he had moved. I paused for a couple of seconds before saying the demand again. "Jet, get into the car!"

That time I saw his figure dart past me, running to the Trans Am to clamber into the passenger seat. When he had opened the door he left a smear of bright red on the handle. He was bleeding, but I didn't know if it was from his hands or from somewhere else.

The killjoy in front of me seemed to lighten up, taking a less aggressive stance. They lowered their knife but still kept it close to their hip. I hoped that they caught onto me calling a truce, but I also believed that their gang wouldn't settle for anything less than death. They took a step towards me and I backed away.

I could now see Kobra out of the corner of my eye, and I didn't like what I saw at all. It seemed as if they put their weakest fighter onto him, but it was still a fight that none of us would win without weapons. There was a large, dark red stain on the side of his shirt, but it didn't look like he was injured anywhere else. He turned his head for a second and caught me staring, but quickly went back to defending himself. I sidestepped to the car, making sure that I would be able to get into it without running too far. I was still filled with adrenaline but the will to fight was being drained from me. My hands had begun to sting and I was regretting trying to take the knife away.

"Kobra, get into the front seat!" 

He had looked behind him to check the car, and when he realized that only the driver's seat was open, he turned back to block a punch from the person in front of him. "I can't drive it!"

"You have to!" I yelled back, running to the Trans Am to climb in the backseat beside Poison. I fumbled with the door for a second, my hands slick with my own blood. Once inside, I locked the door behind me, and quickly told Jet to do that same. Within a matter of seconds Kobra was sitting in the front seat, his door shut tightly. "Drive fast and don't stop until I tell you to," I told him, my eyes filled with desperation.

He turned the key and threw the car into drive. I could hear his panicked breathing as he pressed his foot down onto the pedal and the car launched forward. Poison groaned when they were pushed back into the seat, and I looked down to see just how badly they had been injured. They weren't bleeding, which could be a good sign, or a very bad one. Their body was lying on the seats, their legs in the floorboard. It looked like they had fallen over when put into the car, but it also seemed like they didn't have any intention to move. 

"Are you alright?" I asked them, hesitating on touching the side of their head to not get blood on them. "Poison?" I said, making sure they knew I was talking to them.

Poison shook their head very slowly. "It fucking hurts, man."

"What does?" I knew that they had been it with a bat, but I didn't know if something had been broken or if it was just bruised. 

"My ribs," they paused, taking in a slow breath. "God, it fucking hurts to breath."

"Can I look?" They nodded and I went to help sit them up, taking hold of their shoulders so it would be easier to move them. They let out a whimper of pain, their head thrown backwards against the seats. They hesitated from grabbing their side, knowing that touching it would cause more pain. "You have to take off your jacket." I told them, and they nodded. Their breath was sharp as I helped get their arms through. The blood on my hands smeared onto the fabric of their jacket, and I apologized for how much was on it. Once it was off, I very slowly began to lift up their shirt. The skin on the middle of their ribs was discolored; a mix of yellow and purple. I raised my hand to it and pressed softly. They didn't say anything, which meant that it wasn't something too much to worry about. There was a print of blood left on their skin from my hand, but I left it, knowing there wasn't much I could do right now to take it off.

I had become known as the "doctor" of the gang. I was the only one out of the four of us that knew more than basic first aid, even though I've never had any medical training. I've always had a knack with the human body. I know how much it can handle and when something's abnormal about it. There's a first aid kid under the seats of the car, but it's barely needed since we normally just go on our day with the cuts and bruises. Today, however, was different. There was too much blood on all of us to go on without using it, I knew that for a fact.

"Please tell me they're okay." Kobra said, his voice wavering.

I looked at him through the rearview mirror and there were tears down his face. The knuckles that gripped the steering wheel were ghostly white. He cared a lot about his sibling, there wasn't any question towards that. I nodded and let Poison's shirt fall back down. "They're fine - just a broken rib."

"Just a broken rib, my ass" Poison said, shifting to making themselves more comfortable. "It feels like there's a knife stuck in my side."

"It feels like there's a knife stuck in my eye." Jet spoke up, and I looked at him.

"What happened?" I asked, leaning forward even though I couldn't see his face.

He turned to look at me, and my mouth parted in shock. There was a long gash across his eye, not deep enough to where it was bleeding, but deep enough to where I knew damage had been done. I sat closer on the edge of the backseat, my hand cupping the side of his face. "Can you see out of it?"

Jet shook his head. "Not clearly. It's blurry and distorted." I pulled my hand away and there was a clear handprint left on the side of his face. I put my hands in my lap, wiping them on my jeans in attempt that the blood would go away. "Besides," he turned back around. "it looks like you're hurt a lot more than I am."

Poison reached out, his hand clasping around my wrist to turn my hand over. "Ghoul, that's a lot of blood."

"Yeah," I said, taking my hand away from his. 

Kobra turned his head to look at me for a second, and then looked back at the road. "Are you okay? I don't want you to-"

"I'm fine." I said, raising the back of my hand to the cut on my cheek. It was deep, I could tell that even when I wasn't touching it. When I pulled my hand away, it was covered in a thick layer of blood. "Just drive to The Pit, alright? We'll be safe there, and I can help all of us once we're not moving."

Kobra didn't respond verbally, but nodded. I sighed softly and sat back in the seat, trying to ignore the pain that pulsed through my hands and my face. I knew that I could easily sew the cut on my cheek, but the ones on my hands wouldn't be as easy. They would most likely be left in a bandage, but I didn't want to think about how many times I would have to redress them. I leaned my head against the back of the seat and closed my eyes. That had sure as hell been an exciting start to the morning.


End file.
